


Far From Home

by DarnLoveableCharacters



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death(s), F/M, Fluff, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Rogue One, Reader-Insert, Rogue One Spoilers, Self-Sacrifice, Slow Burn, Suicide, Too many feels ugh, why did I do this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-10-23 17:13:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10723677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarnLoveableCharacters/pseuds/DarnLoveableCharacters
Summary: Reader is torn from her reality and dumped into the middle of a war. Will she make it home? Or will she find where she belongs? A Rogue One Reader Insert Fanfiction. Recognizable characters are not mine, but the story and all of the mistakes are!





	1. Maybe I Should Have Stayed In Bed

If you had told me that I was going to end my day in a struggle for my life and being kidnapped, I probably would have just stayed in bed. At least I got a good story out of it, right? I’m getting a little ahead of myself though… let’s start from the beginning.

I currently live in a quiet little town just south of Houston, TX. It is close enough that I can enjoy the luxuries of living in a big city, but far away enough to escape the noise and traffic. It’s perfect for me really, but I’m already starting to get an itch to move on. Since the death of my parents, I have been on my own never staying in one place for over a year.

Most of the time after a long day of work, I go home alone and try to recharge myself from dealing with people all day. Don’t get me wrong, I get along with most people and enjoy their company very much. But for some reason I just don’t feel like I truly connect with them, and I find it exhausting to even carry on a normal conversation sometimes. Often, I’ll sit outside staring at the stars, wishing I would have been born in a different time or place.

_You should be careful what you wish for…_

Oh, I suppose I should mention that my thoughts come through often as if it were a separate being speaking to me. And with the amount of time I spend alone, I have a tendency to carry on conversations with my thoughts. Everyone does that… right?

_Keep telling yourself that._

Anyway, now that you know the basics, I can tell you the story!

* * *

The day started off as normal as any day. I woke up, ate my breakfast and headed straight to work. I like to get in early on Wednesdays to take the inventory at the new body shop I opened. It’s best to get it finished before the mechanics get in, otherwise I won’t be able to track the constantly moving parts and pieces. I had just finished when I heard the bell signaling that someone had walked in the front door. I glanced at the clock and noted it was before eight, so we shouldn’t have any customers arriving yet.

I placed my “customer smile” on my face before walking to the counter, but my smile faltered when I saw there was no one there.

_Maybe this place is haunted._

“There’s no such thing as ghosts.” I said with a sigh.

_Whatever makes you feel better…_

I walked to the front door to see if the customer had walked outside. Not really thinking about what I was doing, I moved to push the door open and smacked face first into the door.

_It’s locked you know._

“You could have said something before I ran into it.” I groaned rubbing my forehead.

_What do you want from me? I’m just the voice in your head._

Irritated, I unlock the door and step outside into the humid air. The sun is just beginning to rise, and a thick fog is setting in. I take a quick look around, but there is no one in sight. “That’s odd.”

_Says the person talking to herself._

I stand outside for a few more moments trying to work out what could have happened when a flash of blue light catches my eye. I turn toward it and see a brilliant blue ball of light floating in mid-air. My mind automatically starts trying to filter through all the facts that I know to identify it, but comes up short of an answer. Curiosity burning in my mind, I decide to walk closer to solve this mystery in front of me.

_Curiosity killed the cat you know._

“Alcohol can kill brain cells.” I mutter silencing my inner voice for once. As I draw closer to the light, it grows brighter. However, even standing just inches away, I still cannot identify the source. Fighting against every survival instinct I possess, I tentatively reach my hand out to touch it. Suddenly, another flash and I quickly shield my eyes against it. This time, the light stays, leaving me disoriented and I crouch down hoping that it will pass quickly.

It only takes a few moments for the light to start fading. As soon as it’s gone, I open my eyes again and take a look around. The light has vanished, and I notice people have begun moving around the street. What was more concerning is that none of them seem to have noticed that there had just been a giant explosion of pure light.

_Maybe you have finally gone insane._

“No, I’m fine.” I said, trying to convince myself. Shaking off the odd feeling, I turn on my heel and start walking back to the shop deep in thought. Reaching out to open the door, I miss the handle as it swings open and I run straight into someone.

_Uh, I think you mean something._

I took a minute to focus on what was standing directly in front of me. It was tall, at least 7 feet tall to be exact. Its skin was light blue, everywhere except for its face which was white. Even more unsettling were its eyes. Its eyes were white, in a sea of black and seemed as if it held the knowledge of the universe. Speechless, I stepped back to allow the creature to pass by.

_Okay. Random lights and an alien walking around, maybe there’s a sci-fi convention in town this week._

I hurry into the shop and lock the door so I can take a moment to calm down before I will need to speak with anyone else. I never got my moment though, as as my thoughts were interrupted by a gravelly voice, “Hey, do you mind unlocking that door? It makes it hard for the other customers to get in if it’s locked.”

_I don’t recognize that voice, do you?_

I turn slowly and gasp as I see another alien behind the counter. This one was big too, with saggy gray skin and four arms. I mutter a quick apology as I turn to unlock the door so I can leave. Back outside, I turn and briskly walk passed a few shops to get away and try to focus my mind. With a growing sense of unease, I take look around and am stunned to realize that I don’t recognize the area.

The streets are busy with people, robots and other creatures scurrying between shops. Only a few of the signs on the shops sported letters I recognized, but what they said didn’t make any sense. Droid repairs?

“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

_I’m not a dog, I’m your brain, stupid._

“If you’re not going to give me anything useful then shut up brain.” I feel the need to get away again, so I pick a direction and start walking.

_Okay, what do you know for sure?_

“My name is Y/N. I’m 22 years old.”

_Now think, where are you?_

I rack my brain trying to remember everything I’ve seen in my world travels. All the languages I have encountered, different writings I have seen, anything that can help me piece this together. I can’t think of anything that correlates to the area I’m in. “I… I don’t know.” Feeling a sense of panic, I turn into an alley running straight into something and hit the ground…. Hard.

_Seriously, are you going to run into everything today?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I know this first chapter was a bit slow. (I'm terrible at starting stories) But It get's better when we meet our favorite Captain in the next chapter :-)


	2. We Ran Into Each Other… Literally

I pushed myself off the ground feeling dazed.

_What the heck did you run into this time?_

I looked around brushing the dirt off my clothes and noticed a man in a blue parka quickly gathering items off the ground and shoving them haphazardly into a backpack.

_Ah, not what… but who?_

I bent down on one knee to help him gather the scattered items that I assume he lost when we collided. Reaching for a small white cylindrical thing that had landed close to me, I opened my mouth to apologize only to be met with a gun shoved in my face.

_I think it’s a gun at least. It doesn’t look like one that you have ever shot before._

“Do not move.” The man warned me in a thickly accented, but steady voice.

My hand stopped just above the little item and I raised my head to get a good look at the man who had just threatened me. We were both kneeling on the ground, but I could tell he was taller than me. He had dark-brown hair, brown eyes and had stubble growing along his jaw. I would probably find him attractive if he hadn’t been pointing a gun at me.

_Wait… what? Why are you thinking of this now? Focus dummy._

I maintained eye contact with him, refusing to show any fear in what could be my moment of death. Shockingly, my heartbeat remained steady and I was rewarded when a brief look of uncertainty flashed across his face. The moment passed quickly however when we both heard heavy footsteps draw near the alley. In the blink of an eye, the gun was hidden again and he had snatched the last item from under my hand and shoved it in his bag. He stood just as a group of four armed men in white armor turned into the alley.

_Curious looking group of folks._

They stopped a few steps away from us looking between myself, who was still sitting in the dirt with my hand outstretched, and the man who was standing over me zipping up his backpack. “What is going on here?” One of the armored men asked nodding in my direction.

Adjusting his bag onto his shoulder, my would-be killer briefly glanced down at me before addressing the group with a convincing smile. “My friend here is very clumsy.” He said shrugging. “She tripped over her own feet and pulled me down with her!”

_That’s not what I remember._

The dark-haired man turned toward me and held his hand out to help me up. With his back turned to the group his smile was gone, replaced with a look of sheer determination.

_Curiouser…. Who or what are you hiding from?_

I’m not sure what possessed me to do it, but I took the hand of the man who had pointed a gun at me only a few seconds ago and allowed him to help me to my feet. As I straightened, my heart skipped a beat realizing we were standing close enough to each other for me to feel the warmth radiating from his body. Still gripping my hand, he stared down at me so intensely that I nearly forgot that we were not alone in the alley. He was blocking me from the sight of the other men, so I took a quick moment to nod once before I reluctantly took a small step away from the man who is currently giving me heart palpitations.

_Seriously, the man could have killed you a moment ago and you’re attracted to him?_

Shaking off the thought, I flashed a smile to the group and said, “He’s right, I just can’t stay on my feet sometimes!”

The man who seemed to be the leader of the group cocked his head to the side in consideration.

“We’ll just be on our way now.” My ‘friend’ said smiling again.

He turned away from the group, pulling me with him when the leader called out “Hold on, this area is restricted. Let me see your papers.”

We stopped again, and I gasped as the grip on my hand tightened. Attempting to be reassuring, I squeezed his hand and turned back toward them. “I’m sorry, we got lost. We’re not from around here and I guess we wandered in the wrong direction. We meant no disrespect.”

_Technically you’re not lying._

“Papers, now.” The man said advancing towards us.

“No problem, they’re in my bag just let me grab them.” My ‘friend’ said raising his hands in a sign of surrender. He pulled his bag off his shoulder and kneeled back down. Once again, the gun seemed to appear in his hand out of thin air catching me off guard. With four quick and precise shots, the men were dead without any chance of retaliation.

“You… you killed them!” I stammered.

“More troopers will arrive soon, you should get out of here and hide.” He said nonchalantly looking around, probably assessing the quickest escape route.

“Where am I supposed to go? I don’t even know where I am now!” I screeched at him, the gravity of the situation just dawning on me.

_See what you did, now you’re an accomplice to murder._

He looked at me incredulously but our time was up. A siren sounded in the distance, followed by shouting voices and they were getting closer to us. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he grabbed my hand and pulled me through a doorway. “Just stay close to me and don’t fall behind. I will not wait for you.” He said bluntly. I nodded once and he took off with me right on his heels. He was fast, I didn’t have time to see where we were running. All I could do was focus on keeping up and breathing. We made it through two more sets of doors before we were spotted by another trooper. Unfortunately for him, I was apparently following a skilled killer. Before the trooper could raise an alarm, he was dead too.

_Why are you still following this guy?_

We managed to make it the rest of the way without running into anyone else and I looked ahead to find what looked like an oddly shaped plane a few yards in front of us. He dashed right in and headed straight to the pilot seat and started flipping switches turning the aircraft on. Before I registered what was happening, the door closed and we were lifting into the air. I collapsed onto the bench and doubled over trying to catch my breath while gripping the seat for dear life.

_Oh that’s great. Now you’re on a plane headed God knows where with a man who you know is a murderer. Good job._

I wish I could say that I had composed myself and confronted the man flying the plane that I’m in. Even more so, I wish I could say that I came up with a grand plan to escape as I sat here. Unfortunately, all I can say is that as I started to regain control of my breathing, I looked through the cockpit window and realized we were surrounded by stars. Then everything went black.


	3. Where am I?

_It’s time for you to wake up now._

“Five more minutes.” I groaned, pulling the blanket over my head. As consciousness began to invade my slumber, thoughts of aliens and running away with a murderer started swimming in my head. “What a weird dream.” I mumbled to myself.

_It wasn’t a dream, you need to wake up._

I was about to answer with a snarky comment, when the accented voice from my dream spoke. “Good, you’re awake now.”

I stiffened, thinking the voice sounded too close for it to be just a voice in my mind.

_Don’t blame me, there’s someone here._

I shot up and tried to throw the blanket off me.

_Where did I get a blanket from?_

It was tangled around my legs, however, and I fell off the bench I had been sleeping on. Frustrated, I crossed my arms and let out a heavy sigh as laid on my back on the floor, again.

_Since when have you been so clumsy?_

Refusing to look at the man, I just stare up at the ceiling taking stock of the state my body is in. I am sore, everywhere, from the running. I can feel the bruises that had formed from all the impacts and falls that I had suffered. Mostly though, I am hungry and thirsty. All of this adds up to a grouchy Y/N.

The pilot is standing back watching me with calculating eyes. He is close enough that I can see him in my peripherals, but far enough away that I wouldn’t be able to reach out and grab him.

_It’s probably something killers learn to stay alive._

“Who are you?” He asked in a way that made me certain he expected an answer.

Naturally, in the company of a man who I am certain would kill me if he felt the need to, I refused to play along and remained silent.

_You have poor survival instincts._

“Where are you from?” He pressed again after a moment of silence.

I fixed my glare at a spot on the ceiling, and refused to acknowledge him.

_Good job, I’m sure your silent treatment will break him before he gets to you._

Why does my inner voice have to be so sarcastic?

I can tell that the pilot is growing frustrated. I see the movement when he runs a hand through his dark hair and looks down for a moment as if deciding what to say next. Looking back in my direction with a weary expression he says, “Look, this doesn’t have to be diff…”

“Are we in space?” I asked, cutting him off.

“Yes.” He said slowly.

“Hm, weird.” I say still staring at my new favorite spot on the ceiling.

“Have you… you have never been off planet before?” He asked, as if keeping your feet on the ground was out of the norm.

I decided to sit up finally, groaning as my stiff muscles protested the movement. I leaned against the bench, drew my knees up and buried my face in my hands. I spent a quick moment debating on how much I should tell him. It didn’t take long to decide that it would be best to keep as much about who I am and where I’m from as I can to myself, until I figure out where I am and why.

I look back up and meet his questioning eyes, and finally settle on an answer. “Where I come from,” I start slowly, “there’s only a handful of people who have ever left the planet. It’s not really an option for… normal folk.”

He raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing. I took the opportunity to stand and stretch out my complaining muscles.

I walk around the small cabin of the ship, six steps forward and six steps back, feeling the eyes of the pilot watching me carefully. I kept pacing, trying to think of the next question I should ask, and simultaneously wondering why my companion was remaining so silent. My thoughts were interrupted, however, by the loud rumbling of my stomach.

_I wonder if he heard that._

My minds question was answered when the pilot walked to the backpack that he had carried as we ran and pulled out what looked like an energy bar. He tossed it to me and I caught it.

_Congratulations, you didn’t get hit in the face again._

Sometimes I struggle with not replying to my inner voice when I’m around people. I thanked him quietly and sat back down on the bench nibbling on the food bar. I heard more rummaging and tensed when he walked back toward me, still watching me with his cold stare. He simply sat a bottle next to me, then backed to the other side of the ship and leaned against the frame.

I grabbed the bottle and opened it, taking a tentative sniff to see what was in it.

He chuckled humorlessly at this, “If I was going to kill you, you would be dead already. And I wouldn’t use poison.” I looked up to see if he was joking. He was wearing a smirk but his eyes showed no traces of humor. 

_Why didn’t he kill you?_

I took a sip of the liquid which turned out to be just water, and shuddered involuntarily as the images of five dead men passed through my mind.

_Well, he brought it up. You may as well ask._

“Why did you kill those men?” I blurted out.

His smirk turned into a look of confusion at my sudden outburst, but any chance of him answering was interrupted by a steady beeping coming from the terminal close to the cockpit. With a quick glance at me he stepped over, threw on a headset and started speaking quietly. I couldn’t hear the conversation, which was surprising since we were in close quarters. For once, I decided to mind my own business and finish my small meal and water.

_Wow, maybe you do have some survival skills after all._

His conversation didn’t take long, but he did not seem happy as he removed the headset and stood in front of me.

_To be fair, the only smile you’ve seen on him was fake._

“I need you to tell me who you are.” He said, starting back at the beginning.

The food had helped me feel better and to think more clearly. However, I still was grouchy and had no intention of just giving in, so I elected to hide behind sarcasm.

_Oh yes, that’s never got you in trouble before._

I smile up at him and say, “Don’t you know me? I’m your clumsy friend!”

“There is no need to be difficult. I need to know who you are so we know what to do with you.” he said, almost pleading.

“We?” I asked.

Again, we were interrupted by another beeping sound. This one was coming from the cockpit.

“You made your choice then, it’s not my responsibility.” He said cryptically, heading back to the pilots’ seat.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I challenge, but he ignored me. I stepped closer to him placing my hands on the back of the co-pilot seat intending to as him again. This didn’t happen though, as I was captivated by the sight of a green planet coming into view. “Wow, it looks beautiful. What is it called?”

He continued working the controls of the ship and studiously ignored me. As we broke the atmosphere I listened as he made the request for landing. I couldn’t hear what was being said on the other side, but what I did hear was him say, “Good, are they ready?” I heard no other response after that, nor did he say anything else.

That was fine, I was too busy looking over the scenery in front of me. If I had to pick one word to describe it I would pick ‘green’. The whole place was covered in thickly leaved trees of every shade of green I could have ever imagined. Even more impressive was the giant pyramid structure we were heading toward. It towered well over the tree line and looked as if it had been standing there for thousands of years.

_Maybe these are the people that helped build the pyramids in Egypt!_

I couldn’t help but smile at that. He landed the ship smoothly just outside of the pyramid, and I saw people running around between other ships that were coming in and out. I was so enthralled by the activity that I didn’t notice he had slipped out of the seat and was gathering things behind me. That’s when my hands were cuffed behind me and a bag was slipped over my head.

_Sneaky snake._

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” I struggled against the grip that he had on my arm as he began to pull me outside. The bag was thick enough that I couldn’t even see light coming in through the fabric. 

I heard him say, “Take her to a cell.” And I could feel myself being transferred into a pair of hands and being dragged somewhere else.

Four hundred and thirty-six steps later, a few twists and turns and more stairs than I want to talk about, I finally was uncuffed and shoved unceremoniously into a dark room.

_It’s dark because you have a hood on idiot._

I rip the bag off my head, and my eyes take a moment to adjust to the faint light coming from the end of the hallway. I was just in time to see a guard slamming the door shut and locking it. I scramble back to my feet and run to the bars as the guard turned to leave.

“Wait, please!” I pleaded. “At least tell me where I am!”

The guard never stopped, never said a word and left me alone with my thoughts and a steady dripping sound. I am locked in a damp cell, in a pyramid I don’t know, on a planet I don’t know surrounded by people that I don’t know. “What have I gotten myself into?”

_Don’t ask me, you never listen to me anyway._

“Shut up…”


	4. The Days Pass Slow

Three days passed by.

Three days, to the best of my knowledge. They passed with only the company of my mind, the drip that I had started to sing tunes to, and the small robot that delivered my food and emptied my bucket.

_Maybe there’s a way to unhook the door hinges._

“We’ve tried that.” I said. I laid on the thin mattress on the ground with my feet propped against the wall. This conversation with myself was getting old. No matter what I tried or thought of, nothing had worked. I had tried finding something in the room to pick the lock, but all I had was the mattress and the bucket. I tried finding weaknesses in the door itself. There were none. I even tried pushing against all the bricks in the room to see if maybe one of them unlocked the door. I know it was a long shot, but I would have felt even more ridiculous if I hadn’t tried it and found out later it was possible.

_Assuming you don’t die in here._

“Thanks for that thought brain.” I listened to the sound of the dripping again, thinking of the next song I could sing along with the beat when I heard the door leading to the cell block open.

_Oh good, housekeeping is here._

I heard metal against metal, and without looking at my door I said, “Thanks Jeeves, you can leave my food there. I will get to it after my meeting.”

“Who is Jeeves?” An all too familiar voice said as I heard the door to my cell swing open.

I rolled off my bed and stood as the pilot stepped into the cell holding a pair of handcuffs. He had showered recently, the jerk. He had shed the parka and now sported a brown jacket over a tan shirt and pants that slightly resembled fatigues. You made a mental note of the badge he wore with two dots on it. 

_Probably a rank designation._

He looked quite refreshed, even with the dark circles under his eyes.

_This man has spent his whole life fighting._

“Are we going somewhere?” I ask, gesturing to his handcuffs and ignoring his question. I wasn’t quite willing to explain my conversations with myself for some reason.

“There is someone who wishes to speak with you.” He said, taking in my appearance.

I fight the urge to run my hand through my hair to make myself more presentable, knowing full well I must be a mess. I haven’t had an opportunity to clean up since arriving here. My cell wasn’t equipped with a shower and the robot didn’t seem to understand, or care, when I asked if there was somewhere that I could clean up. My hair is a tangled mess and my clothes are dirty. My skin feels like it has a few extra layers on it, and I imagine I can only imagine how fabulous I smell.

I held my hands in front of me for him to place the handcuffs on my wrists, willing to be compliant simply to get out of the cell. His fingers brushed against my arm as he slid them on and I couldn’t help the shudder that passed through me from the contact.

He looked at me and I could swear I saw a brief look of concern break through his cold demeanor. “Are you cold?”

“No.” I replied quickly, stubbornness winning over again.

He just nodded and grabbed my arm, guiding me through the door. As we walked through the maze of corridors, he unexpectedly broke the silence. “Things aren’t usually like this you know.”

I glanced at him before returning my focus to the path. “You mean it’s not normal for you to take someone who is lost and throw them into a prison cell with no explanation for three days?”

He grimaced at this but continued, “It’s not. And I do apologize, but things are becoming more dangerous and we have to take precautions.”

“Precautions from what exactly?” I asked.

He stopped me in front of a door, and looked down at me searching my eyes for something. “You really don’t know, do you?”

I just shook my head sadly, “Everything I have said so far has been true.”

He kept searching my face as if expecting a lie to show. I suppose he didn’t find anything there, because he simply reached over and grasped the handle. But before opening the door, he looked at me one more time and said, “If you truly have nothing to hide then just cooperate and be honest in there. It will make things easier for you.”

He may have honestly been trying to help me, but the threat behind the words made me angry again. When we walked through the doors I found myself again, unwilling to cooperate.

_How are you still alive?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I posted the first four chapters quick, but I just got my AO3 invite today :-) I hope you're enjoying it so far! I know I'm terrible for this, but I'm not going to be able to post anymore for 2 weeks. I'm going to be traveling with no interwebs. *gasp* But don't worry, most of the story is written already and I'm just working on editing it. I will post more regularly when I get back!


	5. Called It!

We entered a dark room with a dull green glow. The glow was coming from a group of monitors that appeared to be tracking flight paths. The center of the room hosted a massive circular table with paper and smaller monitors scattered around it. The chairs around it were empty except for one. He was an older gentleman, with receding blonde hair and wore a scowl that could melt the face off an average person. His clothing was similar to what the pilot was wearing, the only difference being that his badge contained five dots.

_Definitely a rank designation._

The pilot led me to a separate chair that had been pulled away from the table. He removed the handcuffs just long enough to restrain my arms behind the chair. 

_They must view me as very dangerous. Ha!_

I looked around as he worked and noticed another woman in the room. She wore a long white gown and had cropped brown hair. She wore no rank badge, but held herself in a way that made it obvious she held a position of leadership. The expression she wore as she watched us enter, however, is what caused me to pause. In it, I could see the mixture of sadness, determination and even a brief shade of hope.

_A very strong woman, I think we should be friends._

I shook the thought away as the pilot finished with his task of restraining me to the chair. I couldn’t help but watch as he walked away and leaned against one of the green monitors. He seemed to slump against it, and closed his eyes as if he was trying to center himself.

_He even looks good exhausted._

Oh great, now even my brain can’t focus.

The man with the scowl leaned back in the chair, resting an arm on the table. He considered me for a moment then started the questioning. “Who are you?” he asked me.

_Straight to business, I like that._

Not that I’m going to play along. “No one of importance.” I answer with a smirk.

His brows furrowed for a second before continuing. “Are you with the Empire or the Alliance?” he pressed.

_Called it! They’re at war!_

“Neither” I say smugly, delighted at the small bit of information that I had received.

The man stared at me with a raised eyebrow, as if he was internally questioning my sanity. If I’m being honest with myself, it’s probably a valid question. Here I am, handcuffed to a chair, being questioned by possibly the grouchiest man in the universe and all I can do is answer his questions with sarcasm and a smile.

“What is your name?” He tried again.

“Why does that matter?” I ask, trying to sound sincere.

His eyes narrowed, “Because I need to know if you pose a threat to my people.”

_My people? A commander then, general maybe?_

“I can assure you that I am no threat to you or your people. I had no intention of coming here in the first place. It just sort of, happened.” I say truthfully for once. I glanced toward the pilot to see if he would confirm my story. He hadn’t moved, just stood there with his eyes closed.

_Maybe he fell asleep like that. Have a good nap I suppose._

“Then why are you refusing to tell us who you are?” the angry-one asks straightening in his chair.

“Because I don’t like you very much.” I said still smiling.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

It’s possible you could have imagined it, but you could swear you saw the woman-in-white smile out of the corner of your eye.

The seemingly permanently angry man stands from his chair and leans down in front of me placing his hands on the arm rests of my chair, face inches away from mine. “You seem to have a problem with authority. Do you understand…” Mr. Angry stopped mid-sentence as I burst into laughter. I couldn’t help it!

_You’re right, you are insane. You’re on your own._

Should I be concerned that my brain just bailed on me?

“You’re fighting in a rebellion! Is it really such a shock to you that someone may not follow your command without question? Is that not why all of you are here?” I managed to choke out between giggles. I glanced around at the others in the room, eyes stopping again at the pilot. His lips had quirked into a grin briefly, but immediately dropped back into a frown as he finally opened his eyes, and caught my gaze.

_Stop that, why are you looking at his lips?_

My attention was drawn quickly back to the man invading my personal space, as he tightened his grip on my chair. “What makes you think we are part of the rebellion?”

I smiled at the interrogator, knowing I was in dangerous territory, but still unwilling to back down. I chose my next words carefully. “I may not know anything about your world, but I know the history of my own. Empires come and go, and as far as I’m aware they do not take kindly to any other governing bodies. They attempt to dominate everything and make an example of anyone who stands in their way. You asked me if I was part of the Empire or the Alliance. I believe an imperial soldier would refer to any opposing force as a rebel… don’t you?”

_I think that’s the most intelligent thing you’ve said since you got here. They’ll probably kill you for it._

The man straightened, finally removing himself from my personal space. He was staring at me with a look of complete loathing. I maintained eye contact with him, willing myself not to look away and allow him to win his little dominance game.

After a few moments of the staring contest, the woman who had been observing quietly from the other side of the room spoke up in a soft, but surprisingly commanding voice. “General Draven, I think we are finished for now.”

_Called it again! I told you he was a General!_

General Draven seemed reluctant to look away, but eventually turned to the pilot and said, “Captain, take her to her cell.”

The woman spoke again, as the pilot…

_He called him Captain_

Right, as the Captain unlocked me from the handcuffs and helped me stand.

“No Captain, take her to one of the empty rooms.” General Draven’s head snapped toward the woman, and I could feel the Captains grip tighten on my arm. The woman ignored this, and continued addressing the Captain directly. “She could do with better living conditions and some new clothes. Post a guard outside of her door until we decide what to do with her.” At this the General looked so angry he could spit, but he simply nodded and briskly walked out of the room.

I couldn’t help but smile for my small victory as the Captain gently, but firmly pulled me toward the door.

_I told you we should be friends with her!_

To say that I was grateful to the woman for rescuing me from my prison, and not to mention my filth, was the understatement of a lifetime. Not that I would let anyone know just yet. The Captain led me to my room as she had requested, and lingered at the door as I inspected my new abode.

“Bathroom is there.” He said gesturing to a small door on the left side of the room. “Someone will drop by shortly with some clothes and towels and,” he hesitated for a moment, eyes taking me in again, “other necessities.” He finished slowly.

_He’s hinting that you smell and should take care of it._

“Thank you, Captain.” I said formally.

His brown eyes snapped back up to meet my E/C eyes for a moment, as if shocked by the sentiment. “There will be a guard outside, just let him know if you need anything else.” With that he turned to leave.

Before he left, I called out, “I meant to thank you by the way.”

He stopped at the door. He turned back to me and cocked his head to the side, confused. “You just did.”

I looked down and shook my head. “I mean for the blanket. I don’t remember having one when I, um, fell asleep on the ship.”

_Yes, let’s not talk about the fact that you passed out._

He graced me with a small smile, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. “You’re welcome.” And he left the room, the door sliding closed behind him.

_That’s it, the end. Okay bye Captain. Good talk._

I walked to the door and made sure I heard the sound of his footsteps die away before I let out a squeal of delight. I immediately ran to the bed and pressed on the mattress. “It’s real! Still small, but its real! With a frame and everything!”

_Oh good, you can identify a bed. I was starting to worry your mind was slipping._

“Shut up brain, don’t take this away from me!”

As promised, my new clothes and personal hygiene items were delivered to my room within a few minutes after the Captain’s departure. I thanked the small robot. Literally by saying, “Thank you, tiny robot!” Which elicited a giggle from the guard. I didn’t worry about it though, too excited to scrub the last few days off myself. It took me longer than I would like to admit to figure out how to run the shower. The controls are much different than what I’m used to. However, after pushing every button I could find and nearly scalding myself to death once, I was able to scrub myself clean.

_Thank God._

“For once we agree.” I said giggling. I got out of the shower feeling immensely better, and dressed myself in the borrowed clothes. They weren’t flattering, at all. But they were comfortable and smelled clean, so I was happy. All clean, I collapse on the bed and immediately fall into a deep sleep.

_Still a prisoner, but at least a clean one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I'm back from my travels so will be posting regularly from now on. (And taking more time editing between chapters, the mistakes... ugh) Thank you for reading so far!


	6. History

The next few days passed by a little easier. I didn’t receive any visits from the Captain, which was an odd disappointment for me.

_You like him, you know that, right?_

“No, he’s just the only person I know here. The fact that he is ridiculously good-looking has nothing to do with it.”

_Idiot._

The woman-in-white was my first visitor. She walked in as I was doing push-ups a few days after meeting with the General. I was that bored. The sound of the door opening startled me, but for the first time on this excursion of mine, I composed myself and simply stood as the woman strode in.

“Do you mind taking a walk with me?” She asked.

“Not at all.” I said, trying to contain my excitement to get out of the room and stretch my legs. Don’t get me wrong, my room is a vast improvement to the cell. But a prison, even with all the basic luxuries, is still a prison.

She smiled warmly, and held her hand out “I am Mon Mothma.”

“Y/N.” I said without hesitation, accepting the handshake.

She raised an eyebrow, but decided not to comment as she led me out of the room. The guard made a move to follow but she waved him off, assuring him that I was safe in her hands.

_Interesting, isn’t he supposed to be here to protect everyone from me?_

The guard didn’t question her though, and simply returned to his post.

_Awfully compliant for a rebel._

The irony made me smile, but I think I’ll keep that one to myself.

“I trust the new room is suitable to your needs?” she inquired after a moment of walking.

“Oh yes. I have a bed and a shower, what more could a person want in life?” It was mostly true, but there was more sarcasm that had snuck into that statement than I had intended. I felt a little guilty for that, she had at least been kind to me so far. I don’t think she missed the sarcasm, but again, she chose not to comment. She led me through a few doors in silence, and suddenly we found ourselves outside.

_Oh, fresh air._

I stepped out and took a deep breath with my eyes closed, taking in the scent of the trees and… fuel?

_Eh, can’t win them all._

Mon Mothma finally broke the silence by saying, “Captain Andor has explained to us that when he picked you up, you claimed you didn’t know where you were.”

_Andor, he has a name!_

I open my eyes to look at her. I don’t want to lie, but I haven’t figured out what happened to me yet and don’t want to ruin any chances I have of being set free by making her think I’m completely insane. I simply nodded to confirm what she had heard.

“Do you know where you are from?” She asked slowly.

_She thinks you have amnesia._

I looked down, and simply nodded again refusing to meet her gaze.

“You don’t trust us.” She said quietly. “I understand. I know this situation must be frightening for you.” She considered me for a moment and seemed to come to a decision and changed her line of questioning. “What do you know about the history of the Galactic Empire?”

“Nothing.” I said warily.

“We have a lot to talk about then.” She said with the sad look returning to her eyes.

By the time she returned me to my room, I was exhausted. I collapsed on the bed and tried to process everything she had told me. She spoke to me about Jedi and the Force, the Council of the Galactic Republic, the Clone Wars and the rise of the Empire. It was a lot, but I was grateful that she had been so open with the information. She didn’t ask me about my background after that, only left me in my room with one last statement. “I know you don’t trust us yet, but I hope I could at least help you to understand what we are fighting for and why we have to take these precautions.”

I nodded at her and she left without another word.

_They’re fighting for freedom from oppression._

“It seems to be a noble cause.” I said burying my face in my pillow.

_Many of them have lost their families, and still refuse to give up hope._

“Isn’t that all that holds rebellions together? Hope for something better?”

_Maybe, you’ve never been part of one before._

I pulled my covers over my head in defeat. “We’re going to do this, aren’t we?”

_What choice do we have?_

I sighed, tossing the covers back off me and hopped out of bed, crossing the room to open the door. If the guard was surprised to see me opening the door to speak with him, you should have seen how wide his eyes were when I said, “Please tell Mon Mothma I would like to help in any way I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished the fic today, and now that I’m not working on writing it at the same time, I may be able to get one chapter out a day. We’ll see what happens when I get started back at work though. …Did I mention that it’s a sloowwww burn?


	7. Holy...

I sat in the room with the circular table being interrogated by General Draven again. Mon Mothma was there as well, and another man who introduced himself as Bail Organa. Captain Andor was no-where in sight.

_Don’t worry, if you join you’ll have plenty of opportunities to see him._

“So, you want to join the rebellion?” General Draven was saying with an air of suspicion. “Mon Mothma seems to think that you are trustworthy, but soldiers won’t be trained unless I approve it.” He sat in the chair opposite of me and leaned forward. “Convince me.”

Okay, maybe I hadn’t completely thought it through before volunteering.

_Shocker._

I crossed my arms, thankful that I was not restrained to the chair this time and asked, “How shall I do that?”

“What’s your name?” He asked as if were an obvious place to start.

I looked at Mon Mothma and she gave me a small smile and winked at me.

_She didn’t tell them._

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N.” I said, looking back at the General.

If the fact that I answered shocked him, he didn’t show it. “Where are you from?”

“Earth.” I said, feeling defiance creep back into me.

_Do you want to help them or not?_

“I’m not familiar with a system called Earth.” He looked to the others for confirmation, and they both shook their heads.

I sighed, resolving myself and started with “You’re probably going to think I am insane after this but…” And I told them, everything. Well, maybe I left out the part that being close to Captain Andor made my heart jump into my throat. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would, and they listened without interrupting which I appreciated. At the end of my story Mon Mothma had a look of pity, Bail looked curious but deep in thought and General Draven looked… grouchy.

_Does that man have any other expressions?_

I took a deep breath and focused on a spot on the floor. I wasn’t sure what to say at this point, so I waited, begging from someone to break the silence.

It was Mon Mothma who spoke first. “Thank you, Y/N. While your story is incredible, I believe you are telling the truth to the best of your knowledge.” The others nodded in agreement, which shocked me.

Bail spoke next in a commanding, yet kind voice. “Why would you choose to fight then, if you have no ties to this war or anyone in it?

_Why indeed?_

The answer came strangely easily to me, “It’s the right thing to do. People are meant to be free. They shouldn’t have to fear for their lives or the lives of their families if they tie their shoes in the wrong spot. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I understand now that if I wouldn’t have run into Captain Andor and followed him when I did, those storm troopers would have imprisoned me. Or worse, they would have killed me.”

_Did you already forget these people imprisoned you too?_

I shook off the thought and looked at the ground again, waiting for the next question.

I tensed when General Draven started to speak. “That’s either very brave of you, or very foolish.”

_I agree, I tell her she’s an idiot all the time!_

He considered me for a moment before his face showed that he had come to a decision. “I will allow you to train with the next group of recruits.” My head shot up to look at General Draven. “You will begin in four days. I suggest you prepare yourself, the training will push your limits mentally and physically.” He typed something on a small monitor as he continued talking. “You will be moved to the wing set aside for trainees and will be put on probation.” I couldn’t stop my disappointment from showing when he smirked.

_Oh my God, even his smile looks angry._

“All of the trainees start off in a probationary period. You will be free to move around the communal areas on base.” He said.

_Sweet, blessed, near freedom!_

“You will need to take remedial classes, however, to learn about our world.” I flinched at the word ‘remedial’. “After training every day, you will meet me here at twenty hundred hours and you will learn the basics.”

_Good feelings gone._

“You are dismissed.” He said waving me off. I head to the door feeling a mixture of excitement and terror, when I hear the Generals voice call out, “Oh and Y/N. I recommend keeping your story to yourself. If anyone asks, just tell them you were born on Tattooine.”

“Yes, Sir.” I said nodding, then exited the room and met my guard in the hallway who would escort me to my prisoner’s room for the last time.

* * *

A year after that conversation with the General, I stand outside the door of the command room with a group of new rebel soldiers that have just completed the basic training, waiting for our ranks to be assigned.

The physical training had been murder at first. Every day, all I wanted to do was head straight to my room, shower and go to bed like the rest of the recruits. Instead, after my shower, I would meet with General Draven, and on a few lucky occasions with Mon Mothma or Bail Organa and learn about the world I now live in. Turns out those robots wandering around the base are called droids, go figure.

_No wonder people kept laughing at you._

It got easier as time passed. My muscles grew stronger, and by sheer will, my endurance improved. I excelled in the majority of the classes. The instructors were delighted to find that I was already an excellent marksman, and had experience in mechanics. As the training progressed, I made a few mental notes to thank my friends for all they had taught me if I ever make it back home. One brave instructor even began to teach me how to fly a few of the ships. My first time at the controls was absolutely terrifying. The instructor assured me that I did fine for my first time though.

_After he finished throwing up._

When we received the results of the final testing, which was also awful, I was delighted to find that I had top marks in all the classes apart from one. I came in second for hand-to-hand combat.

_Damn it._

Boe Boe, a Gran recruit, leaned over to me and whispered, “Look at your score in espionage. I don’t think even Cassian scored that high.”

I looked again and couldn’t help the warmth that flowed through me at the mention of Captain Andor’s name. A smile tugged at my lips at the thought that I may have done better than him. 

_Competitive, much?_

I haven’t spoke with Captain Andor since I had thanked him for the blanket. Mostly I would just see him in the corridors as I would run with my fellow trainees to our next class. The most communication we would have would be a nod of acknowledgement before returning to our individual activities. This was apparently a big deal though, as the other two female recruits had informed me giggling. He was viewed as somewhat of a legend among the group and they spent their time trying to find out what they could about him, as well as some of the other officers. They didn’t shut up for a week when they found out that he had been the one who picked me up and I had refused to tell him anything about myself.

_Stop daydreaming, the General is coming._

We stood at attention as he approached us, with Mon Mothma at his side, and he scowled at us.

_Oh, you big huggable bear._

I have spent way too much time with this man this year. 

“Congratulations, you have passed basic training.” He said. “Once we assign your ranks you will be dismissed and the real work begins.” You could feel the collective groan building as he smiled his angry smile. We all managed to remain silent as the General continued. “Gather your belongings out of the training wing and move them to your new quarters. There will be a data pad waiting in each of your rooms with your first assignments. Good luck.” He moved down the line and began issuing the rank badges. Only three out of the twenty of us had received an officer rank. Boe Boe and Rhayna, the silver skinned twi’lek who had beat me in the hand to hand combat score, both received lieutenant. And myself, who was awarded…

“Congratulations Captain.” General Draven said shaking my hand.

_Holy shit._

He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Don’t make me regret this.”

_Holy shit._

“Thank you, Sir. I won’t disappoint you.” I said, barely able to keep the excitement out of my voice.

_Holy shit._

Mon Mothma walked up to me smiling an embraced me. “I’m so proud of you, I had a feeling you would do well.”

“Thank you so much!” I said, still trying to contain my emotion.

We were dismissed and managed to make it back to the training wing before I was tackled by Boe Boe and Rhayna. “You got Captain!” They both yelled at the same time.

I began to giggle. I hugged them both, while fighting tears, and said, “Congratulations Lieutenants!”

After a few moments of this, and having to endure mock salutes from all the new soldiers. We packed our things and headed our separate ways. As I split off from the group and headed toward my new room I heard Rhayna call out. “Hey Captain! If you’re not too good to be seen with us lowly Lieutenants then meet us at the cafeteria at eighteen hundred to celebrate!”

“I’ll pray about it!” I called back smiling. She pushed out her bottom lip in a fake pout and turned to find her own room.

I stood outside the door to my room, suddenly nervous about my first assignment. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and dropped my bag on the floor heading straight to the data pad.

I read it at least ten times before setting it down and sighing heavily. My mission summary was a total of one sentence. ‘Report to Cpt. Andor tomorrow at 0500 in the hangar.’

_Are you kidding me? Out of the gate!?_

“Holy shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I’m so excited for this chapter to be up. Y’all finally get to meet two of my favorite people in the story!


	8. I Had No Choice

On the day of my first mission, I woke up at three in the morning. I hadn’t slept well with the excitement of what would be in store for me.

_Is that really what you’re excited about?_

”Quiet brain, I haven’t even spoke to him since he kidnapped me.”

_Are you still on about that? Like you would change anything that has happened at this point._

“Fine, but I’m still excited about this mission.”

I laid in bed, thinking about the small celebration I had shared with Rhayna and Boe Boe. We had all been assigned off planet. Boe Boe will be escorting a small supply ship to the Crait outpost as a guard. Rhayna will accompany him, but stay behind to help the resistance fighters there. My stomach clenched with worry at hearing this. Reports from Crait showed consistent turmoil, but both of them seemed unconcerned. They spent the majority of the night trying to convince me that this is a routine mission, and they will be fine. When I told them about my own mission briefing, Boe Boe spit out his drink and Rhayna burst out laughing. The rest of the night was spent with them teasing me relentlessly about being assigned to Captain Andor.

_They know you like him._

“Whatever, it’s fine.” I said flustered. Restless, I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on my civilian clothes. I checked the pocket in my shoulder to verify that the lullaby was secured in place. All alliance members were given one. It is a suicide pill, just in case any of us were to be captured. Shuddering, I started to pack my few belongings and essentials for traveling off-planet. I had done this about three times before it was finally time to head to the hangar.

I was full of nervous tension as I entered, and headed toward the U-Wing that I knew belonged to Cassian.

_Oh, you’re on a first name basis now._

“Shut up.” I said quietly as I approached, looking to see if he was here yet.

“Captain Y/L/N.” he said behind me, startling me. I didn’t hear him approaching.

_Still a sneaky snake._

“Captain Andor.” I said, nodding.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good, let’s go.” He said, passing me and stepping into the U-Wing.

_Oh, this is going to be fun, I can tell._

I stepped in behind him setting my bag in the cargo netting, and sat next to him in the co-pilots seat. He flashed a quick glance at me before focusing on the controls.

_May as well make yourself useful if you’re going to sit in this seat._

“Where are we headed?” I asked, preparing to make the calculations for the jump into hyperspace.

“Kafrene.” He said nonchalantly.

I felt a chill, remembering the name from one of my classes. The Ring of Kafrene, a mining colony. Imperial occupied.  I forced my expression to remain neutral as we took off, not wanting to show any fear.

After I completed the calculations, we made the jump into hyperspace. From there the ship would effectively pilot itself, so I grabbed my data pad and headed to the bench.

_Try not to fall off of it this time._

I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of the first time I met Cassian. It seemed so long ago now.

I scrolled through the different literature on the data pad, and decided to read the U-Wing manual in an attempt to calm my nerves.

_Nerd._

I was reading about the overdrive cooling system when Cassian sat next to me and peered over my shoulder.

“Good read?” He asked, smirking.

“Riveting.” I said, keeping my focus on the manual. I tried to ignore the warmth spreading through me with his close proximity.

_Easy girl._

I glanced up when there was no response, and noticed he was staring straight ahead, deep in thought. “Care to share?”.

He turned to me with a questioning look.

“You seem to have something on your mind. You can talk to me about it, we are friends remember?” I said smirking, referring to his cover on the first day we met.

He grinned. “From a lost soul to a Captain in the Alliance.” He said this as if I weren’t sitting next to him, then leaned back and closed his eyes. I took the rare opportunity to observe him while he wasn’t paying attention. His hair had grown out since we met. A strand hung loose on his forehead, just above his eyebrows. I fought a strong urge to reach out and brush it back.

_Keep your hands to yourself._

The rumors about him said that he had been fighting since he was a child. I would never have guessed it by looking at him, but he was the same age as me. He looked older though, worn and tired.

_War does that to you._

I wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way, but I resisted. I don’t know him much, apart from the rumors I had heard. I don’t even know if the contact would be welcome. I decided to just let him sit in peace for a moment, and went back to reading the manual in our comfortable silence.

_Coward._

“Why did you follow me?” He asked, suddenly.

I looked up from the data pad again, startled by the sudden outburst. “I’m sorry, what?”

He fixed me with a searching look. “Why did you follow me the day we met?”

I chewed on my lip as I thought about a way to answer. It was a question that I have asked myself many times now, but hadn’t come to a conclusion that made sense. Under his intense gaze, I said the first thing that came to my mind. “I was frightened. I had no clue where I was and I didn’t know anyone. But for some reason, I felt like I had to follow you. I didn’t feel like I had any other choice, at the time.”

I saw a look of disappointment flash across his face, but it vanished so quickly I may have imagined it. “I suppose that makes sense.” We sat in silence again, this time watching each other. I was desperately searching for something to say when he suddenly jumped off the bench. He dug in the cargo netting for a moment and retrieved his own data pad. “Our mission.” He said holding it out to me.

_Oh yeah, we’re supposed to be doing something useful._

I took it from him gingerly, and felt my hand tingle where my fingers had brushed against his.

_I wonder if he felt that too._

I shook the thought off, centering myself, and focused on the screen. It was a coded message from one of the informants on Kafrene. It reported there was a recent influx of storm trooper and security droid patrols around one of the warehouses. The informant did not want to get too close to avoid blowing his cover, so he was requesting backup to investigate. “What do we think is in it?” I asked, scrolling through the pictures.

“They think there may be a database with records of the imperial weapons manufacturing facilities. If it’s there, and we can get our hands on it, we may be able to bring some of them down.” He stopped and considered this. “For a while at least, until they realize we have it.”

_Seems unlikely._

I chewed my bottom lip still analyzing what was on the screen. At the time the images were taken, there were two storm troopers and a security droid stationed at every entrance. Including the ventilation systems. Whatever is being hidden in there, it must be important to have that level of security. “It’s awfully conspicuous, is it possible it’s just a trap?”

“Yes.” He said without hesitation.

_Fantastic._

I handed the data pad back to him running possible scenarios through my head. Each one seeming more far-fetched than the other. “So,” I said cheerfully, “what’s the plan?”

He smiled, “We need a diversion.”

_Now I’m concerned on a number of levels._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose I should mention that by “editing”, I mean “second guess every word and re-write the whole chapter because the first draft was terrible"… here’s part 8! ;-)


	9. Come Back

“This is a terrible plan.” I mutter, weaving through the masses of people on the crowded streets.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” I hear Cassian’s voice say over the communication device in my ear.

The plan was simple, I would find a way to cause a commotion in the street that would draw the troopers. Cassian will watch from the rooftops and verify that there is an opening that we can get to. We will rendezvous at that point and sneak into the building. Easy peasy.

_Right…_

“Easy for you to say.” I replied. “What if you decide to take a nap up there?”

I heard him chuckle. The sound made my heart skip a beat. I made a mental note that if I survive this, I’m going to make it a personal goal of mine to make him laugh more often.

“General Draven says you’re one of the best students he’s ever had. If I decide to take a nap, I know the mission is in good hands.” He said smugly.

_Okay, you can make him laugh after you punch him._

“Very reassuring.” I can’t help but smile though, hearing that General Grumpy Pants had said that about me. I finally reached a good spot and leaned casually against a wall, debating on the best way to cause a diversion. I didn’t have to wait long before my answer walked right into my sight. An armored Gamorrean was strolling down the street speaking loudly in his native tongue to anyone who would listen. I looked around and noticed a Dug setting up a small table of trinkets to sell. Would you believe that luck? Two species prone to violence, about to cross paths when I need them to.

_And wouldn’t you know, one of them is about to bump into the other_.

“Cassian, get ready.” I said, looking around for something that I could use. I managed to find a small wheeled droid close to me and I grabbed it.

“I’m ready.” He replied calmly. I set the droid down at my feet, ready to wheel it discreetly toward the Gamorrean at the right time.

_One wrong move, and you die._

The Gamorrean is close now, maybe ten feet from the Dug’s table laughing wildly.

_Three._

The Dug turned his back to the table digging in a crate for more of his trinkets.

_Two._

They are almost in the perfect spot now, and I take a deep breath ready to kick and run.

_One._

I kicked the droid hard along the ground, toward the Gamorrean’s feet.

_Sorry little guy._

I ducked into another alley as the sound of a cracking table rang out and pressed my back to the wall, listening. I was rewarded with the sound of shouts coming from where I had just been standing, and I hoped it was enough to draw the storm troopers.

“Y/N.” I heard Cassian say over the comm.

“Did it work?” I asked, looking around the alley for a way to climb up to the rooftops.

“Yes.” He sounded as if he were stifling laughter. “You should see the fight. I think the Gamorrean is crying.” He said chuckling.

_Captain Andor… best spy in the rebellion, distracted by the diversion._

I sighed as I started climbing, “I mean did it draw the troopers away?”

“Yes.” He said, recovering beautifully. “Meet me on the west side of the building. We need to be quick.”

I scrambled to the rooftop and started running toward the warehouse. When I reached it, I peered over the edge to check if the coast was clear. Cassian was already on the ground working on the lock and there was no one else in sight. I dropped to the ground next to him just as he opened the door and we ran in, locking it behind us.

I hadn’t realized how massive the warehouse was until we were inside. Upon first glance, all I could see was an endless labrynth of catwalks and closed doors.

“We’ll need to split up to find it.” Cassian said, pulling out his blaster.

“You go right, and I go left?” I asked pulling out my own blaster.

Cassian nodded his agreement, and I headed toward the first door on the left side.

“Captain?”

I turned back toward Cassian with an eyebrow raised. “Yes, Captain?”

“If you run into any trouble, don’t engage unless you have no choice. This area is too heavily guarded. Just get out and we’ll meet back at the ship.”

“Sure thing, Cap’.”

He narrowed his eyes at me before adding, “Stay in contact.”

I winked at him and opened the door with my blaster raised.

* * *

An hour of searching, and I had come up with nothing. There were a few TIE Fighters stored in the main warehouse. But other than that, there was nothing worth taking home. Even more concerning, I never came across another living soul.

_We would have run into something or someone by now if there was anything worth taking._

I sighed as I entered the last room, already feeling defeated, when I came face-to-face with a security droid.

_Oh, I suppose I spoke too soon._

“Who are you?” the droid asked.

I froze, unsure of what to do next. If I say nothing, it will send a communication and bring in the storm troopers. If I shoot it, the storm troopers will hear the blast and come anyway.

The droid didn’t for me to make a decision.

“You don’t belong here, I am going to have to report you.” He said, reaching toward the computer. Instinctively, I raised my blaster and managed to fire a direct hit on his shoulder, removing his arm. He glanced down at his arm lying on the ground, then back at me. “That wasn’t very nice.”

“Y/N? Y/N! Is everything okay?” Cassian called over the comm’s.

“Everything is fine.” I replied calmly, still pointing my blaster steadily at the droid.

“I heard blaster fire, what happened?” Cassian asked, with an edge in his voice.

I answered him as an idea started forming in my mind. “I ran into a security droid. Did you find anything?”

_Better than leaving empty handed I suppose._

“No, we need to leave now. The sound will draw in company.” He said, clearly frustrated.

“I agree, I’ll meet you back at the ship. Get it ready to take off as soon as I get there. I have an idea.” I said, smiling at the droid.

“It’s probably a bad idea.” The droid said flatly.

I heard Cassian’s voice again, “Y/N, what are you…”

“Just trust me, I’ll meet you at the ship.” I said cutting him off.

A moment of silence before he finally said, “Twenty minutes.” And the comm cut off.

I switched off my comm and ran toward the droid. “Come with me.” I said, picking the damaged arm off the ground and strapping it to my backpack.

“No.”

“Come with me now, or I’ll shoot the other arm off.” I said straightening and pointing my blaster at him again.

“It is against my protocol to cooperate with rebel scum like you.”

“If you don’t come with me, I’ll tear your head off and use it as a lamp.”

_Well that was violent._

The droid computed my words for a moment, and must have decided I was serious because he said. “I will follow you. But it’s okay, I calculate that you only have a sixteen-point-eight percent chance to make it to your ship alive, and I will be repaired.”

_He has a point._

I frowned at this, but not wanting to waste any more time I gestured for him to get moving. “I’ll take those odds.”

He followed me to the same door that Cassian and I had entered through, and I stopped and listened. I didn’t hear anything, so I cracked the door open to peek out. We were fortunate. The guards were still gone.

_Must have been one hell of a fight._

I hid my blaster back in my jacket and motioned for the droid to follow me. We slowly made our way into the street and attempted to weave our way through the crowd and blend in at the same time. It was a much harder task with the tall imperial droid walking next to me, but as luck would have it no one seemed to notice, or care, and the droid remained silent.

_Hm, maybe we will get out of this unscathed._

“You there! Droid!” I heard the voice of a storm trooper call out.

_That’s twice now…_

“Say nothing, and keep walking.” I said to the droid walking faster.

“Your chances of survival just dropped to four percent.” He said.

“Don’t tell me the odds right now.” I groaned. I knew all too well that getting the droid off-planet will be difficult if I am discovered. The ship is only a few blocks away, but there are storm troopers everywhere.

“Stop!” the voice called again, closer this time.

“Follow me, this way.” I said, turning into another alley. To my everlasting shock, the droid followed me. We made as many turns as possible to throw off the troopers, but eventually my luck ran out. We turned a corner and came face to face with one.

_Damn._

He pointed his blaster at me and addressed the droid, “Droid, what is your identification?”

I moved my hands behind my back, right hand hovering over my hidden blaster.

“I am K-2SO, Imperial Enforcer Droid.” The droid replied.

“What happened to your arm?” The trooper asked.

I held my breath, hoping that I may be lucky enough for the droid to lie.

“She shot it off.” He said, pointing at me. “Then she kidnapped me. I told her it wouldn’t work.”

_There goes that plan._

I sighed and shook my head, glaring at the droid.

“Hands up.” The trooper ordered me.

“No problem.” I said, focusing on the trooper. I held my left hand up in surrender and kept my right hand behind me, closing my fingers around my blaster. “I think this is just a mis-understanding. The droid is defective, I’m taking him for repairs.”

The trooper shook his blaster in my direction. “Both hands.” He ordered again.

I sighed, and did as he asked. I ripped my blaster out and shot the storm trooper.

_You killed him…_

I shook off the thought, deciding to deal with it later. Turning to the droid I said, “Run.” And took off toward the ship. For the second time today, I was shocked to see the droid had followed my command and was running with me. When the ship came into sight and I heard the engines running, I felt a strong wave of relief. It was very short lived though, because that’s when the shooting started. I ducked down as I heard the shots whizzing passed me, and even heard the droid get hit a couple times. But we didn’t stop, and somehow managed to make it on the ship. As soon as we scrambled on board, the door shut behind us and we were lifting into the air. We made it.

_For the most part._

I dropped my backpack and the droids arm back in the cargo netting, and collapsed on the bench. I groaned and buried my face in my hands, thinking about the mission. It’s my first mission, and it was a failure.

_Well, not a complete failure._

I rubbed my face and looked up at the one thing that could have made the trip worth it. The droid just stood there, with his one arm, staring at me. “You’re not a very intelligent human.” He said after a while.

_I agree._

I couldn’t help but laugh at this and leaned back against the wall watching the droid. I kept my blaster in reach, just in case. After we made the jump to hyperspace Cassian ripped off his head set and stormed down staring at the droid, then finally at me. “Why is this droid here?” He demanded, glaring at me.

_Wow, I mean he is legitimately pissed._

The droid answered him, “She shot me and made me come with her. I am K-2…”

“Shut up!” Cassian ordered, silencing the droid. He turned to me again. “What the hell were you thinking?” He demanded. “Why did you bring this droid onto my ship?”

The adrenaline had started to wear off, and I was rapidly growing tired. “I didn’t want to leave empty handed. We didn’t find what we were looking for, and he may be able to give us information. If not, you can re-program him to help us. Can’t you?”

If a droid could glare, I imagine that’s what K-2SO was doing right now. Cassian looked at the droid doubtfully. "KX-series droids are built to defend against intrusion. Getting past his programming will be a challenge." He shook his head and looked back at me, anger still in his eyes. “It was still a reckless move. You could have been shot, you could have…”

“She did get shot, and so did I.” The droid said, cutting Cassian off.

“What?” We both said, looking at the droid.

“We both got shot. Her in the shoulder once, and me in the back twice.” He said turning so we could see two holes that hadn’t been there before.

Cassian looked back at me and straight down to my left shoulder. He stepped closer to me, slowly pulled my jacket back and I heard his breath hitch.

_That can’t be good._

I looked down at my shoulder as well, and indeed there was a wound there, and a lot of blood. “Oh, would you look at that.” I said paling.

_Don’t look at it, you need to focus on something else or you will go into shock._

I chose to watch the droid as Cassian darted to the back of the ship to grab the first aid kit. I realized that the gaping wound and blood loss is probably why I suddenly felt so tired.

_I said don’t focus on it, think of something else._

Cassian returned and knelt in front of me, setting the first aid kit on the floor. He helped me take off my jacket and cut just enough of my shirt open to expose the wound. “It doesn’t seem to have hit anything important.” He said shakily, “You should be fine until I get you back to the medics.”

_Then why do you sound so worried?_

I kept my focus on the droid as Cassian worked, not wanting to embarrass myself by passing out on his ship again. It was hard though, especially when Cassian started cleaning the wound. As soon as the liquid touched it, it burned as if hot metal were being pressed against my skin. I gasped and gripped his shoulder with my right hand. He winced, but kept working. He finished cleaning the wound, ripped a bacta patch out of its package and placed it on me. I sighed in relief and closed my eyes, feeling a cooling sensation spread through me.

_Just breathe. You can’t die on your first mission, that would be stupid._

I started giggling and opened my eyes to find the droid still watching me.

“Humans are odd creatures.” He said, cocking his head to the side.

I giggled again and looked down at my hand. I was still gripping Cassian’s shoulder tightly as he cleaned the blood off his hands. Embarrassed, I let go of him and sighed. He looked up at me, concerned. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” I admitted, and giggled again.

His brow creased as he regarded me. “Let’s lie you down, okay?”

I nodded wearily, and he stood to help me lay down on the bench without causing further injury to myself. His hands left me after I got situated and I immediately missed the contact.

_I suppose that’s one way to get a man’s attention… just get severely wounded. Maybe not the best way though._

I closed my eyes, ready to sleep when I felt him my head being lifted, and something soft being placed underneath. I wanted to open my eyes to see what was happening, but I simply couldn’t fight the sleep anymore. When I felt a blanket being draped over me, I blindly reached out and grabbed Cassian’s arm. “Thank you, Cassian. For the blanket, I mean.”

I heard him chuckle softly. “You’re welcome Y/N.” I could feel the comforting warmth from his body as sat close to me. He gently released himself from the grip I had on his arm, but simply adjusted it and held on to my hand. He brushed the hair off my forehead causing me to sigh contently.

_He’s probably just making sure you don’t have a fever._

“Shut up brain.” I mumbled sleepily.

It’s possible I imagined everything that happened next. But I could swear that I heard him chuckling again. I felt a gentle brush of lips against my forehead and heard his voice saying, “Sleep now, but make sure you come back to me.”

I had no response, just one last thought before darkness took over.

_Always._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this one was longer than I expected it to be, but there was a lot to pack in. Hope you like it!


	10. The Nightmare

_Wake up._

“I’m not ready yet.” I mumbled.

_You know I’m going to win this fight, just get up._

“No.” I said stubbornly.

“Do you always talk in your sleep?”

My eyes snapped open to see an all-too familiar Gran hovering over me, smiling. “Hi there, Captain Dummy. Welcome back to the land of the living!”

I groaned and lifted my good arm, resting it over my eyes. “Why are you so loud Boe Boe?”

“Why are you such a wimp Y/N?” He asked, laughing.

I pulled the pillow from under my head and hit him, causing him to laugh harder. “You better stay awake this time or I think they’re going to give you a dishonorable discharge for being lazy! I can’t believe you almost died on your first mission!”

“Oh yeah? I’m sure your first mission of guard duty must have been incredibly difficult.” I said sarcastically.

“It was! Rhayna kept stealing my protein pellets! I could have starved to death.” He said, completely outraged and making me laugh. “Oh, speaking of the devil. I should send her a message and tell her you’re going to be okay. She told me to let her know as soon as you’re awake so she can yell at you herself.” He said standing from the bed. “I’ll be right back, don’t go back to sleep.” He said, throwing my pillow back at me and running out the door before I could retaliate.

I leaned on my left side to put the pillow back under my head, and suddenly remembered everything as pain shot from my shoulder through my whole body.

_Good job idiot. Shoulder injury and what’s the first thing you do?_

I lean on it of course.

A medical droid came in shortly after Boe Boe left, and started poking and prodding asking me, “Does this hurt?”

_No, I’m twitching because I drank too much coffee this morning._

At least my sarcasm is still intact. After the examination, the droid informed me that I would need to stay for a few more days for observation. And I would be free to go after that.

_At least it’s just a couple of days._

Boe Boe came back after a while and brought me some food. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I smelled the food on the tray.

_I could kiss him right now._

As we ate, he filled me in on everything that had happened since Cassian brought me back. It turns out I had been asleep for about a week. In that time, word had gone around that I had been injured trying to capture an imperial droid. “They’re making you sound like a hero. The droid wasn’t willing to give any useful information, unfortunately. Captain Andor has spent every waking moment, since they decided it was useless, working on reprogramming the droid when he’s not…” Boe Boe glanced at me and back to his food. He took a big bite and didn’t finish the sentence.

“When he’s not, what?” I asked.

He mumbled something unintelligible with a full mouth of food.

“Boe Boe?” I pressed.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“Fine, keep your secrets.” I said, feeling tired again.

Boe Boe smiled again, gathering up the food tray and standing to leave. “Get some rest Captain Dummy. I’ll come by to give you some more grief tomorrow!”

“I can’t wait.” I said grimacing.

He smiled and walked out the door.

_What was that all about?_

“I don’t know, but I’m going back to bed. Be quiet, brain.” I said, sleep taking over again.

That’s when the first nightmare came.

> I was back in the streets of Kafrene, blaster raised at the man in front of me. K-2SO was at my side.
> 
> “You have a one-hundred percent chance of dying if you don’t shoot now.” The droid said in his monotone voice.
> 
> I looked back at the storm trooper, and gasped when I saw Rhayna standing in front of me, ready to shoot. She smiled at me as her finger began to squeeze the trigger, and without hesitation I shot her.
> 
> _Murderer._
> 
> I heard screaming next, as I rushed to her side trying to stop the blood from pouring out.
> 
> _Wake up, you’re dreaming._
> 
> After a moment, I realized it was me that was screaming.
> 
> _Wake up, please._
> 
> I felt arms shaking me, but I fought against them, trying to stay with Rhayna. As I was ripped away from her, I looked down and noticed my hands were covered in blood.

“Y/N! Wake up! Please!”

With one last scream, I shot out of bed, straight against someone’s chest. I felt a pair of arms slowly tighten around me and my panic set in deeper. My breathing erratic, I tried to break out of the grip but the arms just held me tighter.

“Calm down, it’s just a nightmare.” A soft voice said.

_No, it was real. The blood is on my hands._

“No.” I said, my voice cracking.

“You’re safe now. You’re home.” The voice insisted.

_Home?_

I whimpered and I felt a hand reach up and stroke my hair. “Shhh, you’re okay. Everything will be okay. Please come back to me.”

_Cassian._

I stopped fighting when I realized who was holding me, and slowly began to relax in his arms.

“That’s it. Just stay with me.” He cooed.

_Always._

I felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

“She should be sedated. She needs rest.” The mechanical voice of a droid stated.

_Sedated? You want to put me back to sleep?_

I felt the edge of panic again, “No.” I said through tears, “No, don’t send me back please!” I begged.

“She’ll be fine, just give us a minute.” Cassian ordered the droid.

The droid must have left, but I never heard it. I spent the next few moments focusing on my breathing. In, and out. In, and out. Cassian didn’t leave, nor did he ease his hold on me. We just sat there together as I controlled my breathing and he held me, gently stroking my hair. Eventually, with Cassian’s calm reassurances, my breathing evened out.

I pulled away to look up at him to thank him, but froze when I saw him. He looked awful. Still beautiful, but awful. The circles under his eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. His whole body was slumped over, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in a month.

He met my gaze, brow creased with concern. I felt another tear escape, but before I could reach to wipe it off he had cradled my cheek with his hand and brushed the tear away with his thumb.

I watched his expression change from concern, to something else, as he continued stroking my cheek with his thumb. “I thought I lost you.” He eventually said, closing his eyes and gently pressing his forehead against mine.

My heart skipped a beat. All it would take is for one of us to adjust slightly, and our lips would meet.

_I think I just got whiplash. Is this really going to happen?_

I shook my head and looked down, focusing on his shirt. I want this, but not in this way. Not right now. Whatever comes between us, I don’t want it to be the result of pity.

_You’re in a war, and you’ve already been injured. How much time do you think you have exactly?_

The thought made me shiver, but I reached up and pulled his hand from my cheek and leaned away from him. I cradled his hand in my lap, and watched as he covered our hands with his free hand. We both sat in silence for a moment, staring at our entwined fingers.

_He’s been in this fight for a long time. He can help._

“Cassian?”

“Y/N.” he said, voice cracking.

I flinched, hearing pain in his voice.

“The nightmare, will it go away?”

“I don’t know.”

_At least he’s honest…_

I nodded, and squeezed his hand to make sure it was real.

“Is there something wrong with me? Am I…” I choked on the words. “Am I weak?”

His brought his hand to my chin and tilted my face up so I would look at him. He suddenly had a fierce fire in his eyes. “You are not weak at all. You are strong, and possibly the bravest person I have ever met. Do you understand?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded again. Satisfied, he let his hand drop again. His brown eyes searched my E/C eyes.

“K-2 told me that you killed a storm trooper so you both could escape. Is this the first time you have ever killed anyone?”

I looked down and nodded, feeling the sting of tears again.

He sighed. “I would find it far more concerning if, after you killed someone for the first time, you felt nothing.”

I considered this, and thought about the men that died on the day I met Cassian.

“How do you do it?”

He started tracing circles on the back of my hand absentmindedly. “How do I do, what?”

“How do you get by, day to day with the things we do.”

He seemed to tense at this, but continued the circles on my hand. “You just have to remember what you’re fighting for.” He smiled humorlessly, “Or, just don’t sleep.”

I smiled before I realized that it probably wasn’t a joke.

“Are you ready to get some rest?” he asked hesitantly.

I looked back at him terrified, certain that I would simply fall back into the nightmare.

“Don’t worry, they can give you something for now that won’t let you dream.” He said, reaching over to touch a button to call the medical droid back in.

I thought about how tired Cassian always looked as he helped me lay back down, and covered me with the blanket.

“If that’s an option, why don’t you use it?” I asked, as the droid came in and started tapping buttons to add the medicine into my I.V.

He held my hand again as he considered my question. “I do, when I have no other choice. But the nightmares, they make me feel like I’m not a monster. As long as killing still bothers me, I know there’s hope I’ll be okay. Someday, I can come back from all of this.” He said, eyes distant.

I understood what he was telling me, but my heart hurt to hear him say this. I had never considered that after all the time he had been fighting, he still may struggle with the questionable morals behind our work.

I felt the drugs enter my system and closed my eyes, immediately feeling drowsy. I was vaguely aware of Cassian still holding my hand tightly.

“Cassian?”

“Y/N.”

“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Cass.” I mumbled. “For the blanket, I mean.”

I heard his breath hitch, and a strangled, “You’re always welcome.” before I drifted into a blessedly dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway through the fic now!! And finally, some of that fluff I promised :-) Thank you for sticking with me so far!!!


	11. A Surprise

Three days after my nightmare, I sat bouncing in my chair waiting for my discharge from the med bay. My wound had healed, quicker than I could have possibly imagined. I didn’t need the pain medication anymore, and I was able to stay awake for most of the day. Boe Boe waited with me, but was engrossed in a report he was reading which left me to my own thoughts. Naturally, my mind drifted to Cassian.

_I believe the term is ‘twitter-pated’._

I sighed. I hadn’t seen Cassian since that night, but I tried not to think too hard on that fact. I constantly reminded myself that wars don’t just stop if someone gets hurt, and Cassian is probably the most devoted to the cause that anyone could ever be. As much as I wish the thought would truly calm me, it never seemed to last long. Even now, as excited as I was, it made me tap my foot with nervous tension.

“Calm down Captain Dummy.” Boe Boe said without looking up from his data pad.

“No, I’m ready to go!” I complained, unwilling to explain the true reason for my sudden aggravation.

“Go where exactly?” He said laughing.

“I don’t know, outside maybe?”

He glanced up at me, disgusted. “You mean like, outside? With the trees? And the fresh air?”

“Yes, Lieutenant Fart Face. Fresh air. It’s good for you!” I said cheerfully.

“Whatever you say, Captain Two-Eyes.” He said, returning to his reading.

I laughed at him, “You know that’s not an insult to humans, right?”

“Maybe not, but it’s the worst insult where I come from.” He said with an air of superiority.

The medical droid came in as we were laughing, gave me my release order and I all but ran out of the door.

“Come on.” Boe Boe said, leading me toward the hangar. “Before we go to the horrendous outdoors, there’s a surprise waiting for you in here.”

_Should I be worried?_

“Really? You don’t seem like a flowers type of guy.” I said giggling.

He pushed me as we entered the hangar. We hadn’t made it even two steps in when I heard someone yelling behind me. “Hey, what the hell are you doing out of bed? I haven’t had the chance to yell at you yet!”

I smiled. I would know Rhayna’s voice any day. I hadn’t turned all the way around before she collided with me.

“Ouch, jeez.” I complained.

“Sorry, not sorry. That’s what you get for getting hurt! Do we have to go back to basic training so you can learn how to not die?” She said, dancing out of the way as I moved to hit her. “Don’t forget, hand-to-hand combat was the one thing I beat you on.” She started dancing around me with her fists raised and punching the air.

I tackled her, resulting in a wrestling match that ultimately drew a small crowd.

_There you go, if you can’t beat them with skill then surprise them with brute force._

I managed to pin her down, but was distracted by the sound of a throat clearing. I looked toward the sound, and I think my heart may have jumped out of my chest and ran away.

Cassian was standing there, hands clasped behind his back. He looked much better than when I saw him a few days ago.

_He must have finally slept._

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” He said, grinning.

He looks ten years younger when he smiles. It’s a damn good look for him.

_Close your mouth._

I closed my mouth just as Rhayna spoke up. “Are you planning on just sitting on me all day? Or can we get up now?”

“Oh.” I scrambled off of her and stood, feeling a blush creep into my cheeks. With the end of the wrestling, the crowd dispersed, returning to their work.

_Nice, they all witnessed you ogling him._

I pulled Rhayna up as Boe Boe spoke, “Not at all Captain. We were just headed to see you!”

This threw me. “We were?” I said looking up at the Gran.

“Well yes, did you think my surprise was this loser over here did you?” he said, giving Rhayna a shove when she glared at him.

“You didn’t tell her?” Cassian asked Boe Boe with a raised eyebrow.

“Nope. It’s not really my place.” Boe Boe said smugly.

I looked between Boe Boe and Cassian as they shared a look of mutual respect, and understanding. “Okay, what’s going on?”

Rhayna grabbed my hand and started pulling me to the other side of the hangar. “Oh, come on. You’re going to love it!” She said as the others fell in line behind us.

“You know too? Why do I have to be the last to know?” I complained.

“Quit your whining. It’s not our fault you decided to sleep for a week and a half!” Boe Boe said, making Rhayna snicker.

We stopped at a small workshop at the far end of the hangar, and Rhayna covered my eyes with her hands. “No peeking!”

“Really?” I said groaning.

“I want to see the look on your face when he shows you!” She said excitedly.

I heard the door open, and allowed Rhayna and Boe Boe to lead me into the shop blind. Naturally, they ran me into two chairs and a table.

_They love you._

“Okay, are you ready?” Rhayna asked.

“The anticipation is murder.” I said, trying to sound bored and probably failing.

_Definitely failing._

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” She said, removing her hands from my eyes.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light in the room, but when it did, I tensed as I saw a fully functional imperial droid standing in front of me. Two arms attached and all. I looked over at Cassian, and he was watching me carefully. It was his calculating stare, as if he were trying to predict my reaction. I looked back at the droid.

“K-2SO?” I asked, relaxing slightly.

“Do you know any other imperial droids that live on a rebel base?” The droid asked.

_Oh, sarcasm. I like him already!_

“Fair enough.” I said sheepishly as Rhayna and Boe Boe giggled behind me.

“You are Y/N.” The droid said and I nodded. “You shot my arm off. I don’t like you.”

At this, Rhayna and Boe Boe started laughing hysterically. I looked at Cassian again with an eyebrow raised.

He scratched his head, embarrassed. “It seems to be a side effect of the re-programming. He just says anything that comes to his circuits. I tried to fix it, but then he became violent. I figured this was the lesser of evils.” He gazed up at the droid with an exasperated look, and sighed.

I looked back at the droid. “You mean, you did it? You actually re-programmed him?”

It was K-2 that answered. “Yes, I am a reprogrammed imperial droid.”

I broke into a smile. “He’s perfect Cassian!”

Cassian’s eyes snapped back to me, and he let out a breath that me must have been holding, relieved.

“Of course I’m perfect. I’m a droid.” K-2 answered.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Cassian. “What did General Draven say? Is it an acceptable replacement for not finding the database?”

“I haven’t shown him yet.” He said, warily.

“What? Why not?” I looked over at Rhayna and Boe Boe, but they just stood there, both with their arms crossed and wearing matching smirks.

_That’s weird._

“I didn’t think it would be right.” Cassian said slowly, not quite meeting my eyes.

_Is he nervous?_

“It wouldn’t have been right, to present him without you there.” He said, finally looking up at me again.

Yep, my heart definitely stopped that time. I had no response.

“He could change everything.” Cassian said, looking back at K-2. “If we get him into the right place, he could communicate with the imperial computers and they wouldn’t be able to track him. He can help us actually win the war, and the only reason we have him, is because of you.” He said, his eyes landing back on me, full of conviction.

_If you don’t marry this man I will._

“You could have brought me in without shooting me.” K-2 said, interrupting my though process.

“Shut up K-2.” All four of us said together, causing another fit of giggles. Even Cassian joined in this time, at ease for the first time since I met him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter, but I possess the strange need to add a bit of light between darker moments. As always, thank you for the love so far!


	12. Miracles

To say the presentation of K-2 went well, was an understatement. General Draven actually smiled. Like, legitimately smiled.

_It was terrifying._

He congratulated Cassian and I for “bringing such a valuable asset to the cause.” In General Draven speak, I think it means he loves us and wants to adopt us.

_Probably not._

I’m still going to think it.

After the presentation, I was disappointed to find out that Boe Boe and Rhayna had been given another mission and were due to leave in an hour. I wasn’t cleared for off-planet missions yet, so I was grounded and would be working with the team of mechanics to keep the ships up and running. I was torn between feeling grateful and bored.

_You haven’t even started yet._

I left with Boe Boe and Rhayna chatting happily. Cassian stayed behind to discuss his next mission with the General. I couldn’t help the pang of sadness that he would probably be leaving soon as well.

_And you wouldn’t even let him kiss you._

We sat down on some crates just outside of the hangar, and Boe Boe provided snacks while we waited for their ship to be loaded with supplies.

_God bless this Gran, he always has food._

Sitting in a peaceful silence, Boe Boe nudged me. “So, I couldn’t help but notice. What’s going on between you and Captain Andor?”

I choked on the food in my mouth.

_I take back my blessing._

When I could breathe again, I tried to play coy, “What do you mean?”

_Smooth._

“Oh, come on, don’t play dumb.” He held out a finger to count. “He hand-picks you for your first mission.”

_He did?_

Boe Boe holds out a second finger. “When he brought you back injured, he nearly killed anyone in his path with his expression alone as he carried you to the med bay.”

I looked at Rhayna and she just shrugged.

_Thanks for the support friend._

Time for the third finger. “Every moment when he wasn’t working on that miserable droid, he was in the med bay watching over you. I don’t think he even slept until you woke up the first time.”

_He… watched over you._

I was almost nervous to hear what may come next, but Boe Boe held his fourth finger and said. “Last but not least, he re-programmed that droid for _you_. No one has ever done it before, but he did it so your first mission wouldn’t be a failure.”

_Wow._

“So, I believe there’s something going on there. And as your best friend…” This earned a glare from Rhayna, “I have the right to know.”

“We’re just…” I said, biting my lip trying to figure out how to describe the dynamics of Cassian and I. It bothered me that I wasn’t even sure what to call us.

“Friends?” Boe Boe said, suspiciously.

“Lovers?” Rhayna said with a grin.

“Partners.” I decided.

They both groaned.

“Fine then, keep your secrets.” I smiled as Boe Boe threw my words back at me.

“I give it a week before she confesses her undying love for him.” Rhayna said, winking at me.

“Nah, they’re both stubborn. My bet is at least a month.” Boe Boe challenged.

Feeling a blush creep into my cheeks, I watched as they set the terms. Apparently, my love life is worth fifty credits.

_Not bad._

* * *

It was late by the time Boe Boe and Rhayna had departed. Exhausted, I decided to head back to my room to get some sleep and prepare for my first day working with the mechanics. It wasn’t until I stood in front of my door that I remembered the nightmare. This would be the first night I would try sleeping again without the medication, and I felt sick knowing what may be in store for me.

_Remember what Cassian said._

I took a deep breath. “The nightmares mean there is still hope for us.”

_Good girl._

Steeling myself, I walked in the room and went to bed.

The nightmare started the same as before.

> K-2SO was at my side, and I was pointing my blaster at the man in front of me.
> 
> “You have a one-hundred percent chance of dying if you don’t shoot now.” K-2 said.
> 
> This time, when I looked back, it was Boe Boe who was pointing the blaster at me.
> 
> I looked desperately back at K-2. “There has to be another way.” I pleaded.
> 
> “Your own death is an option.” Was his cold response.
> 
> I could feel the tears start to fall as I turned back to my friend and squeezed the trigger.
> 
> _Your friends will die because of you._
> 
> “No, I can save them.” I said, rushing to Boe Boe’s side.
> 
> _You can’t help them, you’re weak._
> 
> As I watched Boe Boe’s life fade, I realized that I believed the words.

I woke up screaming again. I was alone this time, and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

_It was just a dream._

“Is it?” I choked out between sobs.

_It’s all in your head._

“What if they die?”

_You can’t save everyone._

“Then what’s the point?”

There was no answer, and it bothered me. I needed to get away. I threw the covers off myself and ran out of my bedroom, desperate for air. I was fortunate enough to find that the halls were empty, the majority of the base inhabitants fast asleep. Even then, I didn’t want to take the chance that someone may see me in my distressed state, so I took a less direct route outside.

I burst through the door that led outside and stopped, gasping in the cool air of the night. To my immense relief, there was no one in sight. Once my breathing stabilized, I sat in the dirt leaning against the temple wall. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them trying to relax. As I always have when I am frightened, I asked the questions.

_What do you know for sure?_

“My name is Y/N. I am 23 years old. I live on Yavin 4. I am a Captain in the Alliance to Restore the Public.”

_Why?_

That one was new.

“I…. I want to help.”

_Who?_

“All of them. Everyone who lost their homes and families to the Empire. Boe Boe. Rhayna. Cassian…”

_How?_

A tear escaped my eye, and I hugged my knees closer to my chest. “I don’t know.”

_That’s not good enough._

I wiped the tears off my face, then took a deep, steadying breath. “I’m going to fight for them. I’m going to do anything I can, whatever it takes, to help them find their peace.”

_Good girl._

I don’t know how long I sat there, thinking of the friends I had made since I arrived at Yavin 4. Knowing that they were out there somewhere, gave me comfort. Eventually, I thought of what Cassian had said trying to comfort me in the med bay.

_He said that you’re safe now. You’re home._

In the time I had spent on Earth, I had never felt the warmth that began to spread through me in that moment. This world may be dark and terrifying in every way, but the people here had swiftly worked their way into my heart. I had found my home, after all this time.

I smiled, comforted be the sudden realization. It was in that moment that a song I had heard as a child popped in my head and I couldn’t help but sing it to the trees.

_Many nights we've prayed, with no proof anyone could hear. In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood._

_Now we are not afraid. Although we know there's much to fear. We were moving mountains long before we knew we could._

_There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will. You will when you believe._

_In this time of fear, when prayers so often prove in vain. Hope seems like the summer birds, so swiftly flown away._

_Yet now I'm standing here. My heart's so full I can't explain. Seeking faith and speaking words, I never thought I'd say_

_There can be miracles, when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will. You will when you believe._

_They don't always happen when you ask. And it's easy to give in to your fears. But when your blinded by your pain, can't see your way straight through the rain. A small but still, resilient voice, says love is very near._

_There can be miracles, when you believe. Through hope is frail, it's hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can achieve. When you believe, somehow you will. Now you will. You will when you believe._

By the time I finished the song, I felt better.

“Y/N?” I jumped, startled, when I heard Cassian’s voice.

_Sneaky sneaky._

“Captain Andor, I didn’t realize you were here.” I said as I stood and brushed the dirt off my clothes.

“I’m sorry.” He said dipping his head, “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just, didn’t expect to hear a voice out here at this time.” He kept his focus on the dirt.

_He heard you._

I felt my cheeks flush. “I just needed some fresh air.”

He nodded, and I could tell that he truly understood what I meant. He looked up at me, curious. “That song, is it yours?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s just something I heard when I was young.”

He smiled. “It’s beautiful.”

_The song? It couldn’t possibly be the singing._

“It seemed fitting for the everything that is happening.” I said, feeling strangely uncomfortable.

“It is.” He agreed.

_At least you both have one thing in common. Small talk is not your strong suit._

We stood there for a few moments in silence. The more time passed, the more uncomfortable I felt.

_Maybe you should say something to him._

“I’m tired. I’m going to head back and get some sleep.” I said, yawning.

_Oh, good. What better words could there possibly be to describe your affections than, ‘I’m tired.’_

Cassian remained silent for a moment, then chuckled. “Good night, Captain Y/L/N.”

“Good night, Captain Andor.” I said, walking away.

_You’re hopeless._

I made it back to my room and entered the bathroom. Gripping the sink hard, I glared at myself in the mirror.

_He wanted to talk to you._

“Even if that’s true, which it probably isn’t, now is not the time.”

_Because there are hundreds of opportunities in a rebellion._

“Shut up brain, I’ll talk to him. Just not now.”

_He heard you sing._

“Poor guy.”

_He’ll be on a mission before you wake up again, what if he doesn’t come back?_

I flinched at the thought. “There’s no guarantee that any of us will ever come back.”

_Then you’ll just let him go without ever saying anything._

“Stop, it’s just not the right time.”

_Then when is the right time?_

“I’m not even sure if he feels that way about me.”

_You’re obviously not paying attention. Fine then, don’t complain to me if you never get another chance._

“Go to bed brain.”

_Fine_

“Fine.”

I left the bathroom and laid down in my bed sighing heavily. As much as a tried not to, I thought about Cassian. In reality, we have only even been around each other a handful of times. However, every time we have met at any point, my life has been changed dramatically. It makes sense, in a way, for me to have feelings for him. He, on the other hand, would not be so affected by my presence. His life wouldn’t have changed by my showing up.

_Are you so sure about that?_

“All of this is really just a Tuesday for him.” I said, allowing myself a sad smile.

_Think about what Boe Boe said._

“He was just making fun of me. He knows that I like Cassian.”

_Think about the way he acts around you. Every move he makes when you’re around._

I thought about all that has happened between us in the few times we’ve spent together. The more I focused on the details, the more it dawned on me. Every move he makes around me, in its own way, has been protective.

_Except for when he pointed a blaster at you._

“That’s true, but then he lead me to his ship. He brought me here when he had no reason to.”

_Then he imprisoned you._

I covered my face with my pillow, frustrated.

“Who’s side are you on exactly?”

_Just admit it to yourself at least. You’ll feel better._

“I love him.” I said, without hesitation.

_Wow._

“Wow.” It was then, after saying it out loud, that everything clicked into place. The feeling of home, the reason for joining the rebellion in the first place. It was Cassian. It was always Cassian.

_Told you, now go talk to him like a grown up._

I rolled back out of bed, wondering how I would even start the conversation.

_How about, ‘Oh, by the way. I love you.’_

“Maybe something a little less terrifying.” I mumbled. I opened the door and nearly jumped out of my skin as I came face-to-face with K-2SO. “K-2, don’t do that!” I said, breathless.

“I am merely standing here. It was you that came running out of the door without thinking to check if someone was on the other side.” He said.

I glared at him. “Why are you here?”

“I am here to help you in any way I can.”

_Didn’t see that coming._

I smiled at the droid, “Thank you, K.”

“Cassian told me to.”

_Ah._

“Oh.” I said, then remembered my reason for leaving the room in the first place. “Where is Captain Andor now?”

“He departed five minutes ago.”

“Oh.” I felt my stomach drop as the disappointment flooded through me. “Did he say when he would return?”

K-2 cocked his head to the side. “He did not say. Just that I need to help you while he is away.”

I nodded at this, trying to hide my sadness. “I’m on light-duty for a while, meet me in the hangar tomorrow morning.” I said, dismissing the droid.

“Very well, Captain.” He said, and walked away toward the hangar.

I slid back into my room and, once again, slumped down onto the bed. The disappointment was overwhelming, and it made me feel nauseous.

“I’ll tell him when he gets back.” I said, praying that I would get the chance.

_You better._

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the song here happened to be playing when I was writing one of the earlier chapters… and I realized that it really fits the world they’re living in. Boom. Moment of Clarity. :-) Song is ‘When You Believe’ which is performed beautifully by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. It is from the movie, Prince of Egypt. If you haven’t seen/heard it…. worth a google for the song alone. But the movie is pretty great too.


	13. The Right Side?

Thirteen days later, I had been finally approved as fit-for-combat. In that time, K-2SO had already proven himself as an asset working with me in the shop. He could easily diagnose any problems with the ships that passed through, and together we would get them up and running in no time at all. With everything working so well, he naturally complained to anyone who listen about the work.

“I am programmed for strategic analysis. Not tinkering.” He complained to a pilot who had made the mistake of thanking us for the quick repairs on his X-Wing.

The pilot glanced at me with a questioning look.

“Don’t mind him, he’s grouchy all the time.” I said, looking at K-2 fondly.

“I can’t be grouchy, I am a droid.” K-2 responded, making me laugh.

In the thirteen days that had passed, I hadn’t heard from Cassian at all. It didn’t surprise me. In our line of work, communications were limited to avoid the possibility of the transmission being intercepted. What bothered me the most though, was that no one knew where he was. Or if they did, they refused to speak about it. That was also not uncommon, but the thought that I may never get the chance to speak with him was always lingering at the back of my mind. It had twisted a seemingly permanent knot in my stomach.

_Don’t think about that now. You’ll get your chance._

My line of thinking was disrupted by a quick beeping coming from my data pad. I picked it up and read the message.

‘Report to General Draven immediately for mission briefing. Bring the droid.’

_Finally, something to get us off this rock!_

I smiled up at K-2 and said cheerfully, “Time to suit up, looks like you get your wish!”

“I’m not going to even tell you all the things that are wrong with that statement.”

I patted his arm, “Look at that, you learn so fast.” I said, dragging the complaining K-2 with me to meet with the General.

* * *

My second mission went very well. We were sent to gather information on imperial occupation in the Hutt controlled Y’Toub system. I was disguised as a smuggler, and kept K-2 hidden until we found a small imperial outpost. There were only two storm troopers guarding it. I knocked out the first one, but the second one surprised me as I saw him flying into the wall. I looked up at K-2 with a raised eyebrow.

“Cassian told me to assist you. I believe allowing someone to shoot you would go against that order.”

I laughed at this, “Thank you K. Your concern is touching.”

“It would make us even though.”

I sighed. He always had to add the smart-ass remark. “Just get to work.”

As K-2 spoke with the computer, he discovered that there was a TIE fighter construction facility on the large moon Nar Shaddaa. After sending a coded message to Yavin 4, we were ordered to return home after a job well done.

_Look at that, you can get a job done without getting shot._

We had been gone for two weeks. When we landed, I immediately looked around hoping to see a familiar U-Wing. I was disappointed when my search came up empty.

That’s how the next few months passed. Complete a job, come home, look for Cassian and feel the stab of disappointment. The more time that passed, the more on edge I became. It was easy to explain my mood away by blaming the work. It affected everyone, and we all handled it in our own way.

Most of my missions consisted of gathering information on movement of the Empire. With K-2’s ability to communicate with the imperial computers, they had all been fairly easy to accomplish. There were close calls of course, but we made it out of every single one alive, and without any casualties.

The nightmares were becoming less frequent as time passed. But when they would hit, it seemed far worse, all of them featuring someone I love. As much as it pained me to admit, the worst of them involved Cassian. I refused to sleep for a few days after the first time I dreamed of him. It eventually got bad enough that Boe Boe forced me to take the sleeping medication. Him and Rhayna both knew I was having nightmares, but I refused to tell them that it was always me killing one of them.

The time passed all the same though, and three months later I stood next to my Hammerhead with my arms crossed, waiting for Rhayna to arrive. We were being sent on a reconnaissance mission to Callos. There were reports that the Callosians had been working to develop a weapon against the Empire. We were to find out as much as we could about it then offer the support of the Alliance.

Rhayna skipped toward the ship, an hour after I had intended to depart. “Are you ready, fussy pants?” she asked, cheerfully.

“Why are you so happy? This is meant to be a peaceful mission.” I said, tapping my foot.

“It’s our first mission together dummy! If I get bored I can just beat you up!” She kissed my cheek and hopped into the ship.

_I think she’s crazier than you._

“I think you may be right.” I mumbled stepping in. I sat in the pilot’s chair and started up the ship while K-2 worked on the hyperspace calculations. He is much quicker at it than I am.

Rhayna leaned against the back of the co-pilot’s chair and watched as K-2 worked. “Do you think this weapon will help us win?” She asked thoughtfully.

“I truly hope so.” I said, piloting the ship out of the base.

Rhayna moved back to sit on a bench and remained silent after that, deep in thought.

_Odd for her._

When we made the jump into hyperspace, I left the controls to K-2 and went to check on her. I leaned against the wall of the ship and regarded her. She was sitting still, just staring at a spot on the floor. “Troubles bubbles?” I said smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

She glanced up at me, and my grin fell as I took in her haunted look. “Do you ever wonder if we’re fighting on the right side?”

_Where did that come from?_

I crossed my arms and just watched her, speechless, waiting for her to continue.

“We spy. We kill. We deceive to get the information we need to move forward. Isn’t that what we’re fighting against?”

“You shoot droids’ arms off.” K-2 offered from the cockpit.

“Shut up K-2.” I said. Rhayna smirked at this, which eased some of my tension. “I understand, it seems like we are doing all the worst things in this fight.” I started slowly. She looked up at me with glistening eyes. “But, I know what we’re fighting for is the right thing. I feel it, in my heart.”

She looked up at me as she thought about my answer, then smiled. “You know, you’re starting to act like him.”

_What is she on about?_

“What? Who?”

“Cassian of course.” She said rolling her eyes. “He has the same expression when he’s trying to think of something hard. You know, completely constipated.” She giggled.

_I don’t think I can handle her mood swings right now._

I opened my mouth to respond sarcastically when the ship suddenly jolted to the right and I fell on to Rhayna. The ship dropped out of hyperspace immediately after and we both crashed to the floor.

“What was that?” She said groaning.

“K-2, what’s going on.” I yelled toward the cockpit I said pulling myself to my feet.

“We hit debris. I brought the ship out of hyperspace to assess the damage before we continue.”

Rhayna and I shared a worried glance before I dashed back to the pilots’ seat. “Debris from what?” I ask him.

“It appears to be the remains of a ship.” He said.

“Whose ship?” I asked no one in particular.

Rhayna gripped the back of K-2’s seat looking at the scattered pieces floating by. “There was a fight here recently.”

As I maneuvered the ship, avoiding the debris, I noticed the planet in the distance. “Is that Callos?” I asked K-2.

“Yes.”

_Something is wrong._

“K-2, run the diagnostics, quickly.” I said warily. He stood and walked over to the computer. I began scanning for other ships as he worked.

Rhayna plopped into the seat next to me. “Something seems off.”

“Maybe we aren’t the only ones who know what they’re building down there.” I shivered.

“We need to get out of here.” She said, nervous.

_She has good instincts, listen to her._

“K-2, how are we looking?” I asked.

“There is minor damage to the hull, but mechanically it is sound. It won’t affect travel.”

“Good, start the calculations for the jump to hyperspace. I’m going to get closer and see if we can see anything.”

Rhayna shot me a worried look, but said nothing as she stood for K-2 to take his spot again.

The feeling of dread deepened as we got closer to the planet. Callos appeared to be covered in a planet wide storm. I had never seen anything like it. But something pulled at the back of my mind.

_It looks like a nuclear winter._

I grimaced at the thought, but didn’t have long to think of it before the alarm on the panel started beeping.

“There are more ships coming in. It looks like there are eight of them.” K-2 alerted us. After a moment he added, “Imperial.”

“Damn it. Rhayna, hang on.” I called back, pulling away from the planet. “K-2, are we ready for the jump?”

“Not yet.”

“Hurry!” I yelled as eight black TIE fighters came in to view and immediately began firing at us. I did what I could to evade the blasts, but they were very good. It seemed as though they could predict every move I would make. Break left. Barrel roll right. Pitchback. Even with the constant movement they still managed to land two solid hits to my ship.

“The ship is taking damage.” K-2 said after the second.

“Oh really, you think? Just finish the calculations, now!” I barked at him.

“Calculations are complete.”

“When were you planning on telling me?” I screeched as a punched the control and we jumped into hyperspace.

“I didn’t want to interrupt.” He responded after a while.

I gripped the controls and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and contemplated my original threat of turning his head into a lamp.

“K-2,” I heard Rhayna say. “Send a message to Yavin 4 that the empire has found Callos.”

“I don’t take orders from you.”

“K, just do it.” I snapped.

He walked away to send the message and Rhayna took his seat again. She briefly glanced at my white knuckled grip on the controls, then joined me in watching the stars fly by. “What could cause a storm like that?” She asked after a while.

I thought about the term that had pulled at my thoughts, and felt a wave of sadness flow through me. “I have heard of something like that being possible. The concept of it was so terrible that even in the worst of times, no one would bring themselves to do something that would cause it.”

_Except in movies._

Rhayna glanced at me, waiting for my explanation.

I took a deep breath, “Books I have read call it a nuclear winter. An explosion, large enough that it forces all of the ash and soot into the atmosphere, essentially blocking all of the natural elements from the planet. It completely destroys the ecosystem. Nothing can survive in it for long.”

Rhayna blanched at this, “What could have caused the whole planet to go up like that?”

“I don’t know. Whatever it was, I have a feeling it has something to do with the weapon they were creating and the presence of those TIE fighters.”

Rhayna nodded in agreement, and we sat in silence for a while. I wondered who could be filled with so much hate, that they would completely destroy an inhabited planet just to win a war.

“At least one good thing came out of this.” Rhayna said after a while, smiling humorlessly.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

“Now I don’t have a question about if I’m fighting for the right side.” She said proudly.

_Amen Sis._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was pretty fun to write. I’ve been doing some “research” to make sure I get things pretty close to what would be happening at the time, and “The Black Eight” showed up a few times. Darth Vader’s personal TIE Fighter squadron, squeee! I don’t actually call them out in the chapter, but it’s definitely them that we run into here. (According to Wookiepedia, the rebellion technically doesn’t know about them at this point) :-)


	14. Idiots Together

We returned to Yavin 4 without any further incident. The ship had taken some heavy damage, but managed to hold together for the rest of the trip. I stepped out of the Hammerhead in a daze, and patted the door frame. “Good girl, you got us home.” I gave K-2 instructions to get to work on repairing the ship and walked with Rhayna toward the command center for our debriefing. We were about half-way through the hanger when she started giggling. I glanced at her with a raised eyebrow and she pointed at a U-Wing we were passing.

_Not A U-Wing. His U-Wing._

The wave of relief that flooded through me made me gasp. Cassian is back.

_You know you have to tell him now. You promised._

“Right.” I said, suddenly filled with a nervous anticipation.

Rhayna cleared her throat. I hadn’t realized that I stopped walking, and was staring at Cassian’s U-Wing with my mouth hanging open. Rhayna just watched me with a raised eyebrow, and a knowing smirk.

“You okay over there?” She said, trying not to laugh.

“I’m just… glad to see he made it back.” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. I started walking again.

Rhayna rolled her eyes as she fell into step with me. “Do you want me to cover for you at the debriefing so you can slip into something comfortable?” She said, barely containing her laughter.

I shoved her, but couldn’t help but smile. I felt lighter than I had in months with the weight of my worry finally off my shoulders.

When we finished our debriefing, the mood in the room was very subdued. Though it shouldn’t have come as a surprise, the fact that the Empire would destroy an entire planet to maintain power was still a hard concept to grasp.

We were dismissed, but before I walked out, Senator Organa requested to speak with me. Rhayna hesitated at the door, but I simply nodded to assure her I would be okay.

“I have heard that you’ve become a great asset to the Alliance since you have been here.” He said as we walked out to a vacated balcony.

“I’m trying to do my part while I’m here.” I said, clasping my hands behind my back.

_Cassian does that too._

I fought an urge to respond to my thought.

“Do you miss your home?”

I paused, confused. I hadn’t expected the question. Even more shocking, I didn’t have an answer. He waited patiently for me as I thought about it.

“I suppose in a way I do. I miss the quiet and peacefulness of the life that I was living. But, in another way I’m glad that I came here.” I nodded at my own answer, and continued, “I feel like I have a purpose now, like I belong here.” I said, feeling the truth behind my words.

He smiled at this and nodded looking over the edge of the balcony. I glanced over as well, watching the ships fly by as I waited for him to continue.

_Just admit it, you want to go look for Cassian right now._

I couldn’t help but smirk at this.

Senator Organa turned back to me, looking as if he had just come to a hard decision on something. “I have an old friend. He is a Jedi.”

_Really?_

“I thought the Jedi were gone.” I said, confused.

“Not all of them.” He said with a sad smile. “There are a few still. They’re scattered, hidden across the galaxy. If you would like, I can get a message to him to see if he has ever heard of an occurrence similar to what happened to you. I can ask if he knows how you could go home.”

The shock must have shown clearly on my face, because he quickly added. “There is no need to answer now, just something to think about as a possibility.”

_Now is the time where you say something._

“Thank you, Senator Organa.” I manage to choke out. “I really appreciate it.”

“Take your time.” He said, smiling. “Just let me know when you decide.” He said, gesturing toward the door.

_I guess that means you’re dismissed._

I thanked him again as I left, mind racing. I headed back to my room replaying the conversation over and over in my head when I heard my name being called.

“Y/N, wait!”

_Oh, that voice._

My mind went completely blank as warmth flooded through my body.

I turned just in time to see a glimpse of Cassian before his body collided with mine. I felt the air rush out of me as I was wrapped in a bone-crushing hug.

_Aw, he missed you too._

I couldn’t breathe, but didn’t dare pull away either, so I adjusted myself so I could wrap my arms around his waist. This is the first time I have ever been this close to him and wasn’t exhausted, wounded or drugged. I took a deep breath, reveling in the scent of leather and soap. His scent.

I’m not sure how long we stood like that, but it seemed too soon when he pulled away. Grasping my hand tightly, he turned wordlessly and pulled me toward my bedroom. To my relief, we managed to make it through the corridors without running into anyone. I’m not entirely sure what’s happening, but I was happy to not be interrupted for once.

_I think you know what’s happening._

We made it to my room, and without missing a beat he had opened the door and pulled me inside. The door slid shut and he faced me again. His gaze was intense. It was an odd mixture of rage and concern.

_I take it back, maybe I don’t know what’s happening._

He gripped my shoulders, and looked me up and down holding me at arms’ length.

“Are you hurt?” He finally asked me.

“No.” I said, confused.

“Are you sure?”

I looked down at myself to verify there were no surprise wounds, then smirked up at him. “Pretty sure.”

He sighed in relief and pulled me into another tight hug. I was more prepared for it this time, and managed to wrap my arms around him before I was completely immobilized. “I heard you were attacked by the Empire near Callos.” He managed to choke out. “I was worried.” He shifted slightly, placing a kiss to the top of my head.

Naturally, I focused on the wrong thing.

_Oh sure, you’re gone for three months and not a peep. But I’m gone for a few days, fall under fire and you probably knew about it before I did._

I pushed away from him placing my hands on his chest. “What about you?” I asked incredulously. He moved one hand down to my waist and moved the other so his fingers gently brushed my neck.

“What do you mean?” he asked, brushing his thumb against my cheek. His dilated eyes flicked down to my mouth briefly before meeting my own again.

_The master of distractions._

I closed my eyes and sighed, unable to resist leaning into the touch. My heart was racing, but I felt like I had to get these words out. “You’ve been gone for three months. No one would tell me where you were. I didn’t know when you would be back, or even if you would come back.” I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, and opened my eyes again. He was watching me, calculating as always, but with something on the edge that I hadn’t seen before.

_Longing?_

“I’m so sorry.” He said, weaving his fingers in my hair.

I mirrored his hands, placing one against his waist. I reached with the other to brush the loose strand of hair from his forehead.

_Finally._

He closed his eyes as I combed my fingers through his hair. I couldn’t help but marvel at the softness of it.

_Is there anything that isn’t perfect about this man?_

Cassian let out a contented sigh and rested his forehead against mine. My stomach did at back-flip at the contact. Once again, all I would have to do is raise my head for our lips to meet. And this time, I want it, desperately.

Obviously, that’s when my brain started freaking out.

_You should probably say something before this goes any farther._

Why would I ruin this moment with words right now?

_Oh, I don’t know. Here you are, acting like an old married couple and neither of you have brought up what you actually are._

I let out a sigh. Stupid brain.

“Cass?” I started softly.

“Y/S/N.” he mumbled sleepily.

I chuckled softly, first for the release of butterflies that his use of my shortened name had generated. But mostly, for my sudden realization.

_Is he asleep right now?_

I broke our contact, just long enough to turn so I could wrap my arm around his waist to guide him to my bed. “Come on Captain, you need sleep.”

“Kay.” He said leaning in to me, causing me to lose my balance. Thankfully the room is small, and I was able to brace myself against the wall with my free arm.

“Not right here though.” I said, shaking from my silent laughter.

_Both of you are absolutely ridiculous._

Somehow, I managed to get him laid down on the bed without injury to either of us. I helped him take his shoes off…

_I’m pretty sure he was unconscious for it._

Okay fine, I took his shoes off for him and covered him with the blanket. I sat next to him on the bed, watching him sleep for a moment. For the first time since I had met him, he looked peaceful. His features were completely relaxed, and he even had the ghost of a smile on his face. I reached up to brush the hair off his forehead, delighted that I finally have the opportunity. Resting my hand on his cheek, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Rest well, Captain Andor.” I whispered in his ear.

“Thank you, Captain Y/L/N. For the blanket, I mean.”

He spoke so quietly at this point that I almost missed it. When the words processed, I couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the reversed role. “You’re welcome.”

His contented smile widened for a moment before relaxing again. I continued to watch him sleep, running my fingers through his hair in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. When his breathing evened out, I realized that it had been a while since I showered.

_Gross._

I stood slowly, trying not to wake him. I must have failed miserably at being stealthy, because as soon as I stood I felt a tight grip on my wrist making me gasp. I looked back down and saw him staring at me, eyes wide with fear.

“Please stay.” He said shakily.

_He’s afraid to sleep too._

I know, all too well, what would cause the fear in his eyes at the prospect of sleeping. My heart broke for him in that moment. I have always known him as the strong, dedicated and fearless warrior. I had never given any thought about the fact that, with all the horrors he has seen in his life, he would have the nightmares as well. Most likely, even worse than my own.

_He has dealt with it alone, for all this time._

“Of course.” I said, nodding my understanding.

He exhaled and released his grip on my arm, but kept his eyes on me as if he were afraid I would change my mind and leave. I kicked off my own shoes and he moved back in the bed to make room for me. He held the blanket up me as I climbed in, and wrapped me in it as soon as I got settled. We lay facing each other, getting used to the feel of lying next to someone.

_Now is a good time to say it._

I grinned at him, causing his brows to furrow in confusion. “Thank you for the blanket, Cass.”

He smiled at this and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, and he let out a contented sigh. “You’re welcome.” He said, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

_Is that like, code for ‘I love you’?_

It will work, for now.

We fell asleep like this, holding on to each other tightly as if letting go would be letting go of life itself.

_You’re both idiots._

That’s okay too. At least we can be idiots together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say on this one, other than…. I think when I wrote it I really wanted to take a nap lol. Yay!


	15. Always

_You need to wake up now, don’t argue with me this time._

My eyes snapped open when I heard the scream. I felt ice creep into my heart when I realized that for once, it wasn’t me doing the screaming.

_No, this is much worse._

As awareness began to consume me, I noticed that Cassian was sitting straight up in the bed, gasping for air.

“Cass?” I said, fully awake now. Sitting up next to him, I reached slowly to touch his arm. He flinched away from the contact and swung his legs over the side of the bed, burying his face in his hands. Even though I understood why he would pull away from me in this moment, my stomach clenched at the rejection.

_Give him time. He needs to remember where he is._

I sat with him, desperately wanting to comfort him in some way, but decided to keep my distance until I knew he would accept it. I listened to his breathing, trying to gauge how he was feeling. It had evened out slightly, but the breaths were very shallow.

_Better, but still shaken._

I wanted to help him. I spent the time in silence, searching my memory for anything that could possibly help. I’m not sure how much time had passed before a memory I thought I had forgotten passed through my mind. It was my mother. I was just a child, and she had held me as I cried in fear from a nightmare. She calmed me down by softly singing to me, eventually calming me and lulling me back to sleep.

I thought of the song he had heard me sing before, and started to hum. I noticed him tense as the tune broke the silence, but he visibly relaxed as the song progressed.

By the time I finished the last few notes of the song, his breathing had evened out. I moved slowly to sit next to him at the edge of the bed, careful not to touch him.

“Cassian?” I said, tentatively.

“Hm?”

“Are you with me?”

He dropped his hands from his face and took a deep breath with his eyes closed. “Always.”

Warmth spread through me, and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. That one word meant everything to me, and gave me hope. I reached out for his hand again, and this time he reached back and held mine tightly. My breath hitched as a current seemed to flow through into me from his touch.

“I heard you sing that song before.” He said quietly, opening his eyes and fixating at a spot on the floor.

I nodded before remembering he wasn’t looking at me. “Yeah.” I said, equally as quiet.

“You had a nightmare that night.” He said. It wasn’t a question.

“It helped to calm me. It still does, when I feel like everything is falling apart. It got me through your absence.” I said cautiously.

Cassian nodded, but remained silent. A few moments passed, and I grew tense. I suddenly realized that I had, in a way, suddenly told him how much he affected me.

I decided to change the subject. “Your nightmare, do you want to talk about it?”

He looked up then, and I could see the pain in his watery eyes.

“You don’t have to.” I said quickly, “I just know it helps some people to talk about what’s bothering them.”

He considered me for a moment, then his expression changed to something softer. He reached up with his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I fought the urge to close my eyes as he rested his fingers on my neck, stroking my cheek with his thumb in the same way he had before. Slowly, he began to lean forward.

My heart beat was erratic. I would be surprised if he couldn’t hear it beating against my chest. It wouldn’t have mattered if he could though. When his lips touched mine, it was as if everything stopped, and this was all that was left in the world. I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling. I used my free hand to tangle my fingers in his hair as he moved his lips tentatively, yet perfectly against mine.

Too soon though, he pulled away and gave me a searching look.

_He’s asking for permission stupid._

I used the hand tangled in his hair to pull him back to me. Taking the hint, his lips crashed into mine. Everything that had been left unsaid was poured into this kiss. I felt his tongue brush against my bottom lip, begging for entrance. He groaned when I opened my mouth and let him in, our tongues dancing together in a fight for dominance.

Again, too soon, he broke the contact causing me to groan in frustration. He smirked at this, but grabbed me and pushed me down gently on the bed, settling himself on top of me between my legs. I sighed, feeling his body pressed against me. I wanted more of him.

He answered my unspoken need by peppering kisses along my jaw, and down my neck. Every kiss left a trail of fire in its wake.

He lifted his head up and fixed me with his searching gaze, cupping my face between his hands. “Is this, okay?” He asked, sounding unsure.

_Master of distractions. Still a gentleman in the end._

I smiled up at him, and mirrored his hands by cupping his face gently. “Always.” I heard his breath hitch and suddenly his lips were moving against mine again, igniting a fire inside me that I prayed would never die out.

* * *

When morning came, I was resting my head on Cassian’s shoulder, and had my hand on his chest. He had his arm around me and was rubbing gentle circles on my back. We didn’t sleep after his nightmare, just talked mostly.

_Yeah… “talked”_

Okay, to be fair the conversations wouldn’t last long before one of us would start peppering kisses on the other and we would start all over. But we did talk. He told me about his home world, the deaths of his parents, and his life in the rebellion. He had been recruited at six years old, when he was found throwing rocks at the clone troopers.

_It is adorable, and depressing, all at the same time._

I told him about my world, the deaths of my own parents and the events that led up to our meeting. He listened intently as I spoke, as if he were trying to memorize every word I said.

“I’m sorry for threatening you, when we first met.” He said after a few moments of silence.

I smiled at the apology, “I’m not.” I looked up at him, and he looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. I giggled at his incredulous look and rested my head back on his shoulder. “If things had happened any differently, we may not be where we are right now.”

He chuckled as he considered my answer, “You mean to tell me that all I had to do to find the love of my life is find a girl and point a blaster at her?”

I tensed, torn between reacting to the warmth spreading through me at his mention of love, and the urge to hit him for the smart-ass comment.

I hit him of course.

“Ouch, hey.” He said, now laughing.

“Smart-ass.” I said, trying to sit up. He tightened his grip on me and held me in place. “Cass, let me up.”

“Nope.” He said, laughter still in his voice.

I continued squirming, trying to get away from him. I had never realized how much stronger than me he was. “Cass, seriously.”

“I’m not letting you go until you’re not mad at me.”

 I finally gave up, and relaxed in his arms again. “Fine, you win this one.”

“Woo, a victory for once.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I looked up at him and he smiled sweetly back at me.

_Oh yeah, like you will ever win a fight if he looks at you look that._

His smile changed, once again transitioning to his searching gaze.

_Always searching for something._

“It is true, you know.” He said tentatively.

“What is?”

He hesitated for a moment, as if he were nervous “I…”

I didn’t find out what he was in that moment, because the conversation was interrupted by a loud knocking at my door. We both groaned in frustration as Rhayna’s voice flowed through. “I know you’re in there, Y/N. If you don’t open the door in thirty seconds I’m breaking it down.”

_Mother puss-bucket._

“I’m going to murder her.” I grumbled as I rolled out of bed and started throwing clothes on. I didn’t think to see if Cassian had elected to get dressed, just stopped and waited by the door as Rhayna counted down the seconds.

“Three. Two…”

I opened the door on ‘One’.

“Can I help you?” I asked, trying to sound like I hadn’t just got out of bed.

Her mouth dropped as she took in my disheveled appearance.

_Maybe you should have run a comb through your hair._

I raised an eyebrow, hoping she would eventually stop gawking at me to tell me why she had interrupted, when I heard Boe Boe calling down the hallway. “Is she in there?”

Rhayna physically shook herself out of her trance, and yelled back “Yeah!”

“Good!” He said trotting up. He stopped when he caught sight of me, giving me the same open mouthed expression as Rhayna did.

_Definitely should have run a comb through your hair._

“You know, they make comlinks for this kind of thing.” I said, hoping to end the stand-off.

Rhayna gave me a devilish smile, “We tried, yours is off.”

“Oh, I must have forgot to turn it on. I was tired.” I said. It was mostly the truth.

“Right.” They said at the same time, now wearing matching smirks.

“Did you need something?” I finally asked, when I realized they weren’t planning to leave anytime soon.

“Actually, we’re looking for Captain Andor. He is needed in the command room but no one can find him.” Boe Boe said.

“His comlink is off too.” Rhayna added, barely able to stifle her laughter. “We were wondering if you had seen him.”

“I…”

“Thank you for letting me know.” Cassian said cutting me off. I turned and he was standing right behind me, fully clothed and looking… perfect.

_I wish I could dislike him right now._

“I’ll be there in a moment.” He said, effectively dismissing them as he reached around me and closed the door.

I stood there staring at the closed door, shocked, listening to the laughter fade down the hallway.

_Well that’s great, now the whole base will know in a matter of seconds._

I turned back to him and he was smiling at me, completely relaxed. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in for another kiss.

He broke away and hugged me then. “I’ll always come back to you.” He murmured against my neck.

The promise filled me with the now familiar warmth that I associate with him, and I wrapped my arms around him, wishing that the moment wouldn’t have to come to an end.

“What were you about to say?” I asked, suddenly remembering the moment before we were interrupted.

He pulled away and cupped my face, fixing me with a look that said more than what could have ever been put into words. But he managed to do it anyway. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I said without hesitation, tears of joy in my eyes. My heart felt as if it could explode at any moment.

He placed one more gentle kiss on my lips, then walked out of the room letting the door slide shut behind him.

_It’s about damn time._

“Shut up, brain.” I said, smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With all that’s happening in the world, I’m really happy that this happens to be the chapter I’ll get to post today. We all definitely need more love in our lives.  
> Prayers and love for Manchester, and strength to all who have been touched by the horrific events that occurred last night.


	16. One Winner

After that night, Cassian and I were all but inseparable. Cassian requested that K-2 and I join him on his next mission. General Draven originally disliked the idea. As I had predicted, the news of Cassian and I had spread like wildfire. Cassian had fought with him trying to assure him that it wouldn’t cause any problems.

“You have one chance.” General Draven warned us. “If I find out that your relationship compromises the mission, it’s finished. Do not ask me again.”

We both assured him that it won’t be a problem, and turned to leave the room. Before we reached the door, the General called out, “Oh, Captains?” We turned together, wordlessly. “It’s about damn time you two made a move. Just don’t make me regret allowing it to happen.”

_Maybe he does want to adopt you._

I smiled and looked up at Cassian. He nodded at the General and opened the door for me to leave. The warning made me nervous, but after our next mission together becoming an overwhelming success the General didn’t argue with us working together anymore. He did leave us with another warning though. “Keep that love crap in the bedroom. I don’t want to see it when you are on duty.”

“What if it goes with our cover?” I asked, smiling at him.

He glared at me. “Fine, but just don’t let it get in the way or you’ll be cleaning toilets for the rest of your days under my command.”

“Understood, sir.” I said, fighting to contain my giggle. Even Cassian appeared to be struggling to maintain his composure.

General Draven just rolled his eyes and dismissed us.

* * *

The first conversation with Rhayna and Boe Boe resulted in mostly laughter. I finally told them just about everything from the night that Cassian had found me outside singing. I may have left out the steamy bits.

_May have…_

Once they managed to stop laughing, they started fighting over who the winner would be of their bet.

“She wanted to tell him that night, that means I won!” Rhayna argued.

“But she didn’t, so that means I won!” Boe Boe countered.

“But it wasn’t due to their stubbornness, just bad timing!”

“It is one-hundred percent due to her stubbornness.” He said gesturing at me. “She should have told him when he found her that night.”

“Then I would have won!”

“I think I should get the credits, you both were way off.” I offered as a solution. It seemed like a clever idea, until they both tackled me.

In the end, it was decided that there was no winner to the bet.

_Well, maybe one winner…_

I agreed with the thought as I caught sight of Cassian standing with a group of pilots, watching our scuffle. He seemed at ease. For a moment at least, until he glanced behind me with a concerned look. I tried to turn to see what he was looking at when my legs were swept from beneath me. I groaned when I saw Rhayna standing over me giggling. “You’re still only second best, especially now that you have such a convenient distraction!” She said, pointing at Cassian.

I took the chance to grab one of her feet and roll away, forcing her to the ground. She laid there on her back and crossed her arms. “Touché.”

We laughed together as I pulled her back to her feet. The comment stuck with me though, because I knew it was true. As much as Cassian was my strength, he would also be my weakness. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect him, and that thought was terrifying. As we locked eyes from across the room, I knew he was thinking of the same thing. I smiled at him and mouthed the word ‘Always’. He smiled and did the same, repeating the promise.

I will always come back to you, no matter what.

We worked well together, as if that were how it was meant to be. We quickly got to the point where we wouldn’t even have to speak to what the other would do. Coming through a door, he would turn right and I would turn left. Under fire, he would aim high and I would aim low. I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone, and together, it seemed as though we could accomplish anything.

Even K-2 complimented us on it.

_Kinda…_

It had been three weeks after Cassian and I had become a couple, and we were on his U-Wing headed to our next mission.

“For humans, you and Cassian make an efficient team.” He said as Cassian and I were reviewing the plan.

We both looked up at the droid, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you K-2.”

“I still don’t like you, but Cassian does and he told me to be nice to you.”

Cassian sighed and shook his head at K-2 as I started to laugh.

“Aw, you have a best friend.” I said, beaming up at Cassian. He smiled warmly at me.

“I think I should have a blaster.” K-2 said, throwing both of us.

Cassian’s expression turned cold, giving me a chill. “No.” he said, without hesitation.

“It would substantially increase the odds of success in missions if I had one. And decrease the odds of me being shot again.”

“The only time you’ve been shot is when I met you. If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t be here.” I countered.

“Absolutely not.” Cassian told K-2 angrily, cutting off any chance of response. He stormed to the cockpit, abruptly ending the conversation.

_What was that all about?_

I patted K-2 on the arm and joined Cassian, sitting in the co-pilots seat.

“Why not?” I asked.

Cassian sighed. “I know he has proven himself many times. But I don’t want to take the risk that the one time where my re-programming fails could be when he’s holding a weapon.” He said, focusing on the controls.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I trust him. More so, I trust you and your capabilities. The re-programming won’t fail.”

He sighed. “I know you trust me.” He said, finally looking at me. “It’s just not something I’m willing to risk.”

_He won’t risk it because he’s still trying to protect you._

“Trust is supposed to go multiple ways you know.” I said.

His expression turned confused. “I trust you.”

“I know.” I said, smiling sadly. “But maybe not in the way you need to.”

“I trust you with my life.” He countered.

“But not my own.” I pointed out.

He opened his mouth as if to argue, but closed it again when nothing came out. He glared down at the controls.

I stood and placed a kiss to his head, and he closed his eyes. “I love you, Cass. But we’re not always going to be able to protect each other.” I put a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look up at me. “I mean it every time I say it. No matter what, I will always find a way to come back to you.”

He turned and kissed the palm of my hand. “Always.” He repeated.

_I suppose ‘Always’ is better than ‘thank you for the blanket’._

I pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, and rested my forehead against his, making him sigh in contentment. “You’re trying to con me into changing my mind.” He said, chuckling softly.

“Maybe.”

“Please don’t.” he said, pulling away. I could see the plea in his eyes. “If anything happens to you, and there’s something I could have done to stop it…”

I cut him off by kissing him again, then hugged him fiercely fighting tears. He had touched on the one fear that neither of us had been ready to speak of. I still wasn’t ready. “We can’t think like that, or we’ll both be destroyed.” I said, pulling away to watch his expression. “Just know that, with you I feel stronger. Together, I think that we can face anything and come out on top.” I meant it.

He smiled weakly at me and nodded, then returned his focus on the controls of the ship.

_He’s always so eloquent._

I sighed, knowing that the conversation was over. I kissed the top of his head one more time, and retreated to the bench to allow K-2 back in the co-pilots seat. We never spoke of it again after that, other than the resounding ‘No’ when K-2 would request a blaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason it just dawned on me that there are only 4 chapters left after this, then done. Holy crap! But, I’ve really enjoyed writing it! Even more, I’m so happy that y’all like it :-)
> 
> I’ll give y’all fair warning. As we’re nearing the end, after this chapter it’s going to get pretty dark pretty quick so, brace yourselves and… I’m sorry. :-|


	17. Shock

Seven months later, another year gone and Cassian and I have been on a mission for thirty-five days now. There were rumors of a weapon that the Empire was working on. The rumor claimed that this weapon, once completed, would be the end of the war. In that time, we hadn’t come up with a single scrap of information. Nearly exhausting all of our contacts around the galaxy, we were running short of ideas.

I jumped, startled, as Cassian’s data pad crashed against the wall. “Over a month and we have nothing.” He slumped on the bench next to me and rubbed a hand over his face.

“We do have one thing.” I said, reading my data pad.

_It’s a long shot._

“What do we have.” He groaned, face still buried in his hand.

“Hope.” I said with conviction, smiling at what I was reading.

“Hope.” He said, unconvinced. “How does that help us now?”

“Hope is the foundation of a rebellion, isn’t it?” I said, handing him the data pad. He took it as I continued, “Without hope for something better, we would have nothing to fight for.”

I watched him as he read the reports. His expression gradually changed from frustration to thoughtfulness. “Saw Gerrerra?” He asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“There has been increased imperial activity on Jedha, they’re taking something out of the Jedi temple there. It could be related.” I said.

He thought on this for a moment. “The temples are full of kyber crystals. They powered the lightsabers.” He paled as he continued. “If one were to collect enough, it could power a weapon that would destroy an entire city.”

I shuddered at his comment. “It’s not much of a lead, but it’s a start.”

He nodded, but looked unconvinced again. “We have no way of getting to him. He doesn’t take kindly to strangers, it doesn’t matter if they are imperial or alliance. No one comes back.”

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, “Then we’ll have to find a way to draw them out.”

He glanced back at the data pad, deep in thought. “Tivik.” Cassian muttered.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Tivik.” Cassian repeated, looking up at me. “He’s a friend of mine. He worked with Saw before his group separated from the alliance. It’s been a long time, but he may be able to get in and find out what’s going on.”

I nodded, smiling, “Let’s get on it then.”

I waited as he sent messages to both Tivik and General Draven.

_It’s not a terrible idea, still a long shot._

I was nodding at the thought when Cassian returned to me with a haunted expression. I felt a chill run through me as he spoke. “It’s confirmed, Tivik will try to get in with Saw.”

I nodded, and waited for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything, I pushed for more information. “And?”

He stared at me, calculating. “We have another mission before we head home.”

“Okay.” I said, suddenly nervous.

_What could possibly shake him up like this?_

“One of the alliance has been captured and is being held on a planet close to our position. We are being sent to…” He took a deep breath, and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “We need to take care of it.”

“A rescue mission then? It’s nothing we haven’t done before.” I said, an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

“They’re being contained in a heavily guarded holding facility. They will have been stripped of everything, including clothes.”

My hand unconsciously moved to the hidden pocket of my jacket containing the lullaby. I looked back at Cassian, who was now watching me intently with sadness in his eyes.

_You know what has to be done if they can’t be rescued._

“I understand.” I said, knowing what would need to happen. I felt, and fought the urge to throw up.

“We will have a small window of opportunity when they transfer her to Dathomir, in a few days.”

I kept my reaction at his slip to myself.

_Her?_

My first thought was of Rhayna, and I said a silent prayer for it not to be her.

_He would tell you, right?_

I don’t know.

“Let’s get going then.” I said, nauseous.

He nodded and headed to the cockpit, leaving me to steel myself against this next mission.

* * *

The planet we were on rained, constantly. The informant had given us enough information to know where the rebel was being held, and where we would be able to get a good vantage point without being seen. When we got in, we immediately understood that there would be no chance of this becoming a rescue mission. Neither Cassian or myself spoke much beyond making when we planned the stakeout.

We all knew upon signing up that this would be a possible occurrence; however, the knowledge that one of us would have to take the shot and kill an ally didn’t sit well for either of us.

We decided to watch in shifts, with K-2 constantly making calculations for the jump to hyperspace for a quick escape. When Cassian offered to take the night shift, I simply nodded in agreement, but felt selfish. I assumed, as he had most likely, that prisoner transfers would most likely happen at night when it would be harder to be seen. The only problem with that logic?

_It’s always dark here._

It was on the fourth day of our stakeout when there was finally movement below. I watched through the green glow of my scope as an unmarked transport ship landed on the pad and the doors to the base began to open.

I swallowed the lump that had quickly formed in my throat and called K-2 on the comlink, “It’s happening now, get ready K-2.”

“Confirmed. Calculations are complete, standing by.” He responded.

_Let’s get this over with._

I shook off my emotion, and donned the mask of a killer as we had been taught. We were all trained for this potential. Both as the captor and the sniper. The captor will make sure they get in a position for a clean shot, and the sniper will take it. No questions asked. Even though they had prepared us extensively for it, we all prayed that we would never fall in either position.

The doors were fully opened now, and a group of storm troopers had started marching out.

“Y/N.” Cassian’s voice flowed through the comlink. “You don’t have to do this, I’m coming out. I’ll take the shot.”

“No time.” I said, watching through my scope as the storm troopers lined up facing away from the ship, guarding it.

_The prisoner will come next._

”Y/N! No, please!” Cassian begged. My heart sunk even further when I heard the edge of panic in his voice.

“Stay on the ship. I’ll be there soon.” I said abruptly, switching the comlink off so I could keep my focus.

The prisoner escort came out next, as expected. But, when I saw the flash of silver skin, my heart seemed to stop beating. I couldn’t breathe.

_No._

There was a sudden commotion on the landing pad, as the silver twi’lek started fighting against her escort.

_Not her._

I remained motionless, unable to breathe as I watched Rhayna knock a few of the troopers out and run toward the edge of the pad.

_Your first nightmare, it’s coming true._

I knew exactly where she would stop, and I fixed the sight in that position, finger ready to squeeze the trigger. I felt ice in my veins as I watched her push a trooper off the ledge and stand tall. Time seemed to stop in that moment. She stared straight at me, smiling, as if she knew it was me staring back at her.

There is no way she could have seen me where I was hidden.

_Do it, now._

“I’m so sorry, Rhayna.” I whispered. She winked in my direction as the troopers closed in on her, and I squeezed the trigger.

The shot rang out. With tears in my eyes I watched her fall, just like she had in my nightmare.

_You can’t think about that. You have to get back to the ship, now._

For once, I listened to my inner voice and raced back. Cassian was waiting for me when I ran into sight. I yelled for him to take off and he nodded gravely, heading toward the cockpit. I jumped in the ship just as it was leaving the ground, and before I knew it we had made the jump to hyperspace. I collapsed onto the bench, soaked from the rain and staring at the blaster.

“I killed her.” I muttered at it, numb.

_You had no choice._

“There had to be another way, if I had known sooner I could have saved her.”

_There was no way of knowing._

“Cassian knew.” I said, feeling the heat of anger starting to bubble inside me.

_This isn’t his fault._

I sat on the bench stewing in my anger and guilt when I saw Cassian’s feet silently appear in front of me.

“Did you know?” I asked him, shaking.

He didn’t answer immediately. But when he did, I could hear the pain in his voice. “Yes.”

I’m not sure what came over me in that moment. All I know is that everything seemed to turn red. I dropped the blaster on the floor and stood swiftly, punching Cassian in the jaw. I must have caught him off-guard, because he hit the ground and held his jaw where I punched him. He made no move to stand though. He simply stared up at me, full of emotion. His expression wasn’t accusing though, all I could see in his eyes was regret. This made me even angrier.

_You need to calm down._

I felt K-2 grab my arms as I moved to lunge at Cassian again, and he pulled me away from him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I screamed at him, trying to break out of the droids’ grip.

“Let her go, K.” He said, standing.

“Would you like to know the odds of her hitting you again.” K-2 said, containing me as I strained against him, glaring at Cassian with clenched fists.

“I said, let her go.” Cassian repeated, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Very well then, but don’t blame me if she hits you again. The odds are very high that she will.” He said, releasing me and heading back to the cockpit.

We stood facing each other, me with my anger and clenched fists, and him with anguish. “I knew it was her.” He said, causing me to tense even further. “I know I should have told you, but I didn’t know how.” He took a step toward me, his eyes pleading. “How do you tell someone, who you love more than life itself that her friend is going to die by our own hands?”

_Would you have been able to?_

I ignored the thought. “I could have saved her Cassian!” I shrieked at him.

“We couldn’t have.” He said solemnly. “If she had been transferred to Dathomir, she would have been tortured and eventually, would have died anyway.”

“No. There had to be some other way.” I said weakly, feeling tears burning in my eyes.

“You know there wasn’t.” He said. He took another step closer, slowly reaching toward me.

I couldn’t speak. Before I understood what was happening, the anger was gone. It was replaced by a devastating grief that would have brought me to my knees if Cassian hadn’t caught me. He lowered me gently to the ground, and I buried my face against his chest and cried. I cried for Rhayna, who I would never hear laugh again. I cried for Boe Boe, who may not even know what happened yet. I cried for everyone who had ever been hurt by the Empire. Last, but not least, I cried for Cassian who now held me tightly as my body shook with incessant sobs.

Cassian never spoke, but simply held on to me while I cried. It took a long time, but eventually I ran out of tears and could breathe again. I pulled away to look at Cassian. The first think that I noticed was that he was soaked.

_He must have tried to make it to you before you took the shot._

The second thing I noticed broke my heart even further. A bruise had already formed where I had hit him. I reached out and touched him gently where it had formed, and noticed him wince slightly. He relaxed into the touch though, never taking his eyes off me.

“I’m so sorry.” I said, tears burning in my eyes again.

I guess I did have some tears left.

He kissed my forehead and pulled me into another tight hug. “You are in shock. There’s nothing for you to apologize for.”

_I’m convinced, there’s no better man in the universe._

I sighed, relaxing in his arms. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head, and rested his head there. After another few moments, I heard him say. “Maybe we should get you off the floor now.”

I nodded, and he helped me to my feet. He helped me strip off my wet coat, draped a blanket over me, and lead me over to the bench. I sat down and watched him pick up my discarded blaster and wet clothes, and drop them all into the cargo netting. He turned toward me and touched the purple bruise on his jaw. “I have to say, that was a damn good hit.”

I smiled sadly at this. “Rhayna taught me.” I said, thinking of our classes together.

“She was a good friend.” He said quietly, taking the seat next to me.

I nodded in agreement, unable to speak again. He grabbed my hand, interlacing his fingers in mine, and pulled me toward him. I slowly relaxed in his embrace, but refused to sleep.

“Thank you, Cass.” I said after a few moments of silence.

He hugged me tighter. “What could you possibly be thanking me for right now love?”

“For the blanket, of course.”

I heard him sigh in relief before he said, “Always.”

_Oh good, now you’ve combined them. ‘I love you’ works too you know._

Not now, brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was legitimately the hardest chapter for me to write. It came to me when I realized that Cassian and Tivik were not only allies, but they had been friends and I thought…. hm, that really sucks. I debated on even writing it. As I wrote it, I had to walk away multiple times because I kept crying (lame). Even now I’m thinking… maybe I shouldn’t. So, naturally…. here it is.


	18. Incredible, For a Human

Boe Boe was waiting for us when we arrived back to Yavin 4.

Cassian saw him first and grabbed my arm, turning me to face him. “K-2 and I will handle the debriefing, you should be with him now.” He said, nodding toward the Gran who stood, wringing his fingers.

_He’s knows._

I hugged Cassian tightly, eternally grateful for his understanding. “Thank you, Cass.”

He placed a kiss at the top of my head and started toward the command room, gesturing for K-2 to follow him.

K-2 stopped in front of me though, and I internally cringed unsure of what he would say. He shocked me, however, and said, “I may not fully understand human emotions. But I do know that she was as good of a friend to you as Cassian has been to me.” We both looked toward Cassian, who was waiting with a raised eyebrow. K-2 turned back to me and continued. “What you did was very brave. You are incredible for a human being. I may even forgive you for shooting my arm off someday.” With that, he walked away and joined Cassian as I stood there in shock.

_I think in droid talk, that means he’s in love with you._

I turned toward Boe Boe who was standing with an expression that matched my own. I pointed to the droid, with my mouth open. Boe Boe just shrugged, smirking at me. His smile faded quickly though, and I walked over and pulled him into a hug. He hugged me back fiercely. There were no words that needed to be spoken. We just stood there, holding each other and feeling the loss of our friend.

“Are you okay?” He asked, when we pulled apart.

“I will be.” I said, unsure.

He gave me a sad smile and grabbed my shoulder, squeezing it gently. “We will be. She’ll kick our asses otherwise.

* * *

There was no funeral. There never is, and never will be for us. Only a moment of silence, and raised glasses for our fallen comrade.

“She wouldn’t want anyone to make a fuss anyway.” Boe Boe said after the silent toast. “Remember what she did when we tried to celebrate her birthday?”

I laughed at the memory. “Yeah, I sported a good shiner for a few weeks after that.”

“Yep, and I thought she broke my arm.” He said with a smile.

We spent most of the night like that, just talking and remembering the good times with her. Cassian joined us eventually and listened as we swapped stories, joining in on the laughter and even adding a few of his own. Remembering her like this helped ease some of the weight off my shoulders. And I found myself relaxing, as the night went on.

It was late by the time we broke apart and headed to our rooms for the night. I was nervous. I wasn’t ready to face the nightmare I was certain would come. Cassian wrapped an arm protectively around my waist, and began to lead me toward our room. Before we left though, Boe Boe grabbed my hand. “Do you remember the promise we made to each other, after we completed our training?” He said, with an intense look in his eyes.

I remembered it, but struggled to find the words so I nodded.

“We promised that no matter what, we would be there for each other as long as it was in our power.” He said.

I nodded again, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes.

“If I had been in your position, or even if had been Rhayna taking the shot instead with you on the platform…” I felt Cassian tense at this, “we would have made the same choice. She may be gone now, but you saved her.” He said with conviction.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. So again, I simply nodded.

Boe Boe squeezed my hand then let go, and nodded at Cassian. “Take care of my girl, will ya?”

Cassian nodded back, determined. “Always.”

We walked back to my room slowly. I was exhausted, but I dreaded every step that took me closer to the inevitable nightmare that was waiting for me. Cassian kept his arm around my waist, pulling me forward when my steps faltered, softly reassuring me that he would be with me for every step. When we finally made it to the room I stared at the bed as Cassian changed. I flinched when he grabbed my hand. He helped me change, then pulled me onto the bed.

Pulling the blanket over both of us, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. Pressed against his bare chest, I took in the comforting scent that was purely Cassian, and exhaled shakily. He squeezed me even tighter and I could feel his mouth moving against my hair as he spoke. “Sleep now, I’ll be right here if you need me love.”

I nodded, allowing my eyes to close and drifted into a deep sleep.

> I stood in a dense jungle. Turning slowly, all that I could see were trees in every direction.
> 
> “Where am I?” I asked as I continued turning.
> 
> _I have no idea._
> 
> “It’s my home planet, Ryloth.” A voice said behind me.
> 
> _Rhayna._
> 
> “That’s me!” She said with laughter in her voice.
> 
> I turned on my heel toward the voice, and my heart stopped when I saw she was really standing there. She was leaning against a tree, very much alive without a care in the world.
> 
> _You’re not real._
> 
> “I’m as real as the little voice inside your head.” She said, grinning widely. “I always wondered who you were muttering to when you thought no one could hear you.”
> 
> I stared at her, mouth hanging open in shock.
> 
> “Don’t look at me like that Captain Dummy.”
> 
> I closed my mouth, but just continued to stare.
> 
> “Oh, come on. What would be the fun of being dead if you can’t haunt your friends a little?”
> 
> _Are you going to say anything, or are you just planning on staring at her?_
> 
> “You should listen to the voice in your head, it sounds more intelligent than you.” She said, laughing again.
> 
> “You can hear it?” I finally managed to choke out.
> 
> Rhayna raised an eyebrow at me. “Unbelievable. Here you are, having a conversation with your dead best friend, and all you can think to ask me is if I can hear the voice in your head?”
> 
> I looked at the ground and kicked the dirt, smiling. “I guess so.”
> 
> “Well, as much as I would like to stick around and watch you fight with yourself. That’s not why I’m here.”
> 
> I looked back up at her as she walked toward me and pulled me into a hug. “I just needed to make sure you’re going to be okay. I know how emotional you human females can get.”
> 
> I chuckled as I hugged her back. “You mean to tell me that I shoot you, and you want to know if _I’m_ okay.”
> 
> “Well, just look at me.” She said, backing away from me and twirling so I could get a good look at her. She did indeed, look better than ever. “I’m better than okay, I’m free!”
> 
> I grinned widely at her cheerfulness.
> 
> _Even in death, she can still surprise you._
> 
> “You bet your boots I can.” She said winking. “Now, enough with the moping. You still have work to do.”
> 
> I nodded, still smiling. “Thank you, Rayna, for everything.”
> 
> “Any time Captain Dummy! Now, too bad I can’t show you what I’m going to do to Boe Boe. When I visit him I plan to eat protein pellets the whole time, and not share!” She said, grinning mischievously.

I woke up then, the memory of the conversation strong in my mind. I still laid against Cassian, with his arms wrapped securely around me. I grinned when I heard him snoring softly, peaceful in sleep. I briefly wondered if Rhayna had paid him a visit as well, protecting him from the nightmares. Whatever it was, I pressed my lips to his chest and mumbled another thank you to her. “We’re going to be okay.” I said, drifting back to sleep.

Before I fell back asleep, I heard Cassian mumble “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty short, but again… I need a little light between the dark. :-)


	19. Blaze of Glory

A year has passed since Rhayna’s death. I wish I could say that it was easy to move on after talking to her, but there were still nights where I would wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. It wasn’t just me though, Cassian got them too. So, we traded off, comforting each other until the nightmares faded into memory.

To my dismay, Cassian and I eventually were forced into taking separate missions again. Tension had risen higher than ever between the Empire and the Alliance, and we felt that we were running out of time. There had been no word from Tivik since he made a move to join Saw’s faction, we didn’t even know if he was still alive. Which brought us back to square one.

There was only one thing I could think of, and it involved under-cover work on an imperial destroyer.

“This is a terrible plan.” Cassian said, grimacing.

_I agree._

I looked to General Draven for help, knowing he would look at it from a logical standpoint. “I agree.” He said.

Cassian looked smug until Draven said, “With Y/N.”

_What?_

“What?” Cassian echoed my inner thought, eyes wide.

General Draven shrugged, “It makes sense. We’ve been looking for information for months, and haven’t found anything. It’s time to dig deeper.”

I smiled at the small victory.

Cassian glared at me, “Fine. I’ll run the mission with K-2.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but General Draven cut me off. “No, it was Captain Y/L/N’s idea. She will lead the mission with K-2. Besides, I already have something lined up for you, Captain Andor.” He squared his shoulders, as if daring Cassian to argue with him.

Cassian glared back at me, then nodded at General Draven.

I was dismissed to prepare for my next mission as they stayed behind to discuss the details of Cassian’s. I was still gathering my few belongings when Cassian stormed into my room, furious. “Why would you do this?” He demanded.

“You mean my job?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Cassian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Y/N, we’ve never been able to successfully infiltrate a destroyer before.”

“No one has ever re-programmed a security droid either. Yet you did it.”

He groaned. “This is not the same thing. And you nearly died just trying to get him home.”

“And now he fights for us. Maybe the attempts on the destroyers have never been successful because we didn’t have K-2.”

“Why does it have to be you?” he asked, pleading.

“Because this is important, and it was my idea. Would you let anyone else carry out a plan that you came up with?”

“No, I would…” He stopped and glanced at me as I giggled. I watched as he realized what he had just said, and he stared at a spot on the ground. “You tricked me into saying that.”

“I did score pretty high in espionage.” I quirked, making him grin. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He seemed to fight it for a moment, but gave in and wrapped his arms around me, sighing into the hug. “I’ll be okay.” I said, enjoying the feel of him. It had been too long since we had really spent time with each other.

“You better.” He pulled away to look into my eyes. “Just make sure you come back to me.” He tangled his fingers in my hair, and pulled me into a passionate kiss.

I broke away from the kiss, breathless. I knew that if I lingered too long, I would never leave. “Always. Besides, we have a lot of missed time we need to catch up on.” I said, standing on my toes to press my lips against his in one more chaste kiss. I grabbed my bag and turned to leave, but stopped at the door. I turned to him, and watched him try to hide his look of pain. “I love you, Cass.” I said, feeling guilty.

He smiled at me sadly. “I love you too, Y/N.”

I winked at him, then walked out of the door.

* * *

Getting into the destroyer was easier than I had expected. We landed on an imperial occupied planet, and hid the Hammerhead. I borrowed some storm troopers’ armor…

_Borrowed?_

Well, after I knocked him out I relieved him of it. I don’t really intend to keep it at least. After I donned the armor, K-2 communicated with the computer and discovered there would be a shuttle leaving soon transporting a group of troopers back to the destroyer.

_Can you believe the luck?_

Once we were on board, K-2 and I moved freely around the ship. We were only stopped once by a trooper guarding the elevators.

“Where are you taking this droid?” He asked.

I looked up at K-2, hoping I wouldn’t have to say anything. I wasn’t sure if there were any female troopers, and was convinced my voice would immediately give me away.

K-2 started stuttering, as if he were shorting out.

“Taking him for repairs?” The trooper asked me.

I nodded once at him.

“Move along.” The trooper said, opening the elevator for me.

I pulled the stuttering K-2 into the elevator and shut the door.

“Nice work droid, you’ll make a fine spy someday.” I said, once the elevator started moving.

“It is what I’m programmed for human.” He quipped back, making me smile.

We arrived at a blessedly quiet floor, and found a small room that housed a computer K-2 could talk to.

“With good fortune like this, we’ll be out of here in no time.” I said, watching the door as K-2 worked.

He stood, communicating for the computer for a long time. Eventually, my nerves got the best of me. “Have you found anything yet?” I asked, feeling jittery.

“There is no mention of the weapon, but there are a few things that keep coming up. There are many mentions of kyber crystals, and attacks of shipments from Jedha by Saw Gerrerra. Plus, another name.” He said.

_Cassian was right about the crystals._

“What’s the name?” I asked quietly, as a group of troopers passed by the door.

“Galen Erso.”

My head snapped up as the name registered. “The scientist?”

“Yes, he is a scientist.”

I remembered the words one of my instructors had spoken about Galen. Mostly, I remembered the awe in his voice. ‘ _Galen Erso, theoretician, mathematician, engineer and experimental physicist. He is the leading authority on crystals and their potential use in supplying power. And one of the few who refused to weaponize his knowledge_.’

“Does it say where he is being held?” I asked.

“No, but there is also mention of a daughter. Jyn Erso, who is somehow connected to Saw Gerrerra. Her whereabouts are currently unknown.”

_That’s it._

“Good work K-2, that’s something we can use!”

My joy was cut short by the sound of an alarm.

“K? What’s happening?”

“The computer is locking down. They have discovered that there is an intruder on board.”

My blood ran cold, “Does it say how many?”

“Just one, disguised as a storm trooper.” He said, looking at me.

“Oh.”

_Maybe we should have hidden the unconscious trooper better._

My mind started racing. If they’re looking for a disguised storm trooper, I will most likely be an easy one to pick out. I am much shorter than all of them, and the first time I speak will be a dead giveaway.

_They’re only looking for a disguised storm trooper._

I looked up at K-2 with a lump forming in my throat as I began to understand what would have to be done.

_There’s only one way to get the information we found out of here._

“K, we’re going to have to split up.” I said, resolving myself.

“Cassian won’t like…”

“Cassian isn’t here.” I snapped. “Just, trust me on this. You have the information, and they aren’t looking for you. You need to get out. I’ll meet up with you when I can.”

_Liar._

“You leave first,” I continued, “and head to the hanger. Catch the first transport, get to the Hammerhead and take off immediately. I’ll contact you if I get out.”

“The odds of your escape…”

“Don’t tell me the odds.” I said, closing my eyes. “Get going.”

K-2 looked at me for a moment, and headed to the door without another word.

“Wait, K.” I said, opening my eyes again.

He stopped and turned back to me.

I pulled out a holo-recorder I had been carrying and stared at it, thinking about the message it contained. I handed it to K-2 with a shaking hand, and said, “Give this to Cassian if I don’t make it out. When the time is right.”

He looked down at the recorder, then back to me. “When will be the right time?”

“You’re his friend, right?” K-2 just stared at me. “You’ll know.”

He glanced toward the door, then back at me. “I forgive you, you know.” I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “For shooting my arm off. And threatening to turn my head into a lamp. I must admit I understand the draw, I would make a handsome lamp.”

I giggled, and gazed fondly at the droid. “Get going.”

“It would be easier if I had a blaster.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, K-2. That’s just an easy way for you to be discovered.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try.” He said strolling out the door.

_If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was part human._

I chuckled as I watched the K-2 disappear down the hallway. I gave him to the count of ten, and exited the room in the opposite direction, walking slowly.

_You and me to the end then?_

“Did you really see it happening any other way?”

_Not really, but one could always hope._

“Funny, you’re supposed to be the logical one.”

_I’m your own mind you know, it’s not my fault you spent too much time alone and turned me into a separate entity._

“Fair enough.” I said.

I heard the sound of armored feet closing in, and I decided to strip off my disguise.

_Thank goodness, that armor looked terrible on you._

“Really? I thought I looked pretty good.”

The footsteps were almost on top of me now. The lullaby suddenly felt heavy on my shoulder.

I pulled out my blaster. “Take out as many as we can before we go to sleep?”

_I always wanted to go out in a blaze of glory._

“Blaze of glory it is then.” I said, firing as the first trooper rounded the corner.

I was sitting on the ground propped against a wall, barely able to keep my eyes open. I stared at the lullaby in my hand, thinking of Cassian. I prayed that he would understand why I had to do this.

I was surrounded by bodies. They had arrived in waves but I kept firing relentlessly, wanting to take out as many as I could to give K-2 time to escape. I’m not really sure how many times I have been shot at this point, but the rush of adrenaline and the need for time kept me going.

Now I sit here, injured and completely spent, hoping that my diversion had been enough. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard another group of troopers arriving. “I’m sorry, Cass.” Letting out a heavy sigh, I popped the pill into my mouth and swallowed.

_Not bad kiddo._

“Thanks for having my back, brain.” I mumbled.

_Always._

My vision started to fade as the troopers rounded the corner and started shouting. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. When I looked up, Rhayna was standing in front of me with her hand held out to me.

“Come on Captain Dummy. You did good.” She said, smiling at me.

I reached out to her, but hesitated. “Does it hurt?”

She cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Death?”

I nodded.

“No, it’s easier than going to sleep.”

I smiled, and took her hand.

She helped me up, and I never felt pain again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t have much to say about this part… only a request that you don’t hate me too much :-| Last chapter will be up tomorrow! Weird….


	20. Rest Now

***Cassian’s P.O.V.***

When I returned from my mission, I sighed in relief at the sight of Y/N’s Hammerhead parked safely in the hangar. I exited my ship smirking, expecting her to attack me with a smug ‘I told you so’. I stopped in my tracks when I saw K-2 waiting for me with General Draven and her friend, Boe Boe. It didn’t make sense. I know Y/N well enough to know that nothing would have kept her from greeting me herself if she were on the planet. My stomach twisted, as it began to dawn on me. I studied the three of them, searching for any truth other than the obvious one. I’ve always been good at reading people, except for her. When I searched their eyes though, I found nothing but sadness.

“Y/N, no.” I choked. I fell to my knees, struggling to breathe. They didn’t have to say it, I already knew. “How?” I asked shakily, looking up at K-2.

The droid didn’t say anything, but simply looked down at his mechanical hands. He adjusted them so the back of his hands faced me. I thought I saw him holding something, but it didn’t register as I waited for an answer.

It was Boe Boe that spoke. “She fell.” he said in a soft voice. “They were discovered, and she drew the storm troopers away so K-2 could escape.”

She sacrificed herself, for the droid. “Why would she…” My voice caught in my throat.

General Draven spoke next. “The droid returned carrying information that will help us discover more about the weapon.”

My head snapped up and I looked at K-2 again. “What did you find?” I asked.

K-2 told us the story. They had found that the Empire was collecting kyber crystals, and that Galen Erso was somehow involved. They had also discovered a way to get to Saw Gerrerra through Galen’s daughter, Jyn. “I have to get in touch with Tivik.” I said standing, moving back to my ship. I needed to move, I needed a distraction.

“We’re already trying to establish contact with him.” General Draven called, stopping me in my tracks. “Give us a couple of days. When we can set up a meeting, you’ll be the first to know.”

I nodded my understanding, and looked back at K-2. “I’ll go alone.”

After a moment of consideration, General Draven nodded gravely. “Very well then. We’ll send the droid with the team who will be picking up the girl.” He moved to walk away, but stopped and met my eyes again. “If this information is correct, then it will give us the foothold we’ve been needing in this fight. What Captain Y/L/N did was very brave. You should be proud of her.”

“I am.” I said, grateful for his words. I have always been proud of her, since the first day we met.

General Draven nodded, then walked away with K-2 in tow. I closed my eyes, and made a silent promise to Y/N. I will make this right. I will exhaust every resource I have to chase down and use the information she died for. I refuse to allow her death to be in vain.

I opened my eyes, and noticed that Boe Boe was still standing there watching me warily.

I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. I had promised him that I would always take care of her. I broke that promise.

“It’s not your fault you know.” Boe Boe said cautiously, as if he were reading my thoughts.

My eyes burned, but I refused to cry. Not here, not now. I focused on a spot on the ground, working to control my emotions. “I should have been with her, I could have protected her.” I said, my voice cracking.

“If you had gone with her then you would probably be dead too, and the rebellion would have lost two great people today.”

I finally met the Grans eyes, and saw that he truly believed what he had said.

“She loved you more than anything. I honestly don’t think she even realized how hard she fell for you.” He said with a sad smile.

His words caused my stomach to twist even further. I’ll never hear her laugh again. I won’t hear her sing, or see her chew her lip in concentration. I’ll never have another chance to tell her how much I love her.

Boe Boe kept talking. “I’m pretty sure she would come back and kick my ass though, if she knew that I allowed you to beat yourself up over her. Or K-2 for that matter.”

I glanced in the direction that General Draven had walked with K-2 and sighed. It will be hard not to take out my anger on the droid. Why did it have to be her that stayed? Why didn’t she come back to me like she promised?

Again, Boe Boe spoke as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. “You know she wouldn’t have done it if she had any other choice.”

I turned back to Boe Boe, and nodded at him knowing he was right. “She made a wise choice in friends.” I said, thinking of Rhayna as well.

“She seems to have done okay in the boyfriend department too. You were perfect for each other, you know.” He said smiling. He walked away after that, leaving me to my thoughts.

* * *

There was no funeral. There never is, and never will be for us. Only a moment of silence, and raised glasses for our fallen comrade

* * *

“Y/N! No!”

I jolted awake from another nightmare, screaming her name. The intensity of them had grown exponentially after her death, and they were becoming unbearable.

It took me some time to calm down. When I could breathe again, I remembered I was on my ship, headed to Kafrene to meet with Tivik. We had finally made contact with him, and I was eager to find him and hear the information he may have gathered.

I shivered, suddenly cold, and pulled my leather jacket out of the cargo netting when something fell out of the pocket. I reached to catch it but missed, and it hit the floor. As soon as it hit, a blue projection of Y/N appeared and I froze in shock.

“These are worse than trying to record a VHS.” She was muttering. She appeared to be messing with the controls of the holo-recorder.

“Y/N.” I gasped, releasing the breath I had held at her sudden appearance.

She stood straight and glared at the recorder, then her gaze softened and she took a deep breath. “Cassian, if you’re watching this it probably means I’m not going to make it back.”

An unexpected wave of disappointment flooded through me. I had foolishly entertained the idea that it wasn’t just a recording, and she was trying to contact me.

“I know I promised you I would come back to you. Breaking that promise will hurt me the most, I think.”

Her projected image looked down as she decided what to say. I kneeled next to it, next to her, and watched as she chewed on her bottom lip, like she always did when deep in thought. The action had always made my heart beat faster, and today was no different.

She finally looked back up and continued, “I love you, Cass.”

“I love you too, Y/N.” I choked out, feeling a lump forming in my throat.

“I think I’ve loved you from the moment we met.” She continued. “Only, I was too frightened at the time to understand it. You were very intimidating you know.” She said with a smirk.

I smiled fondly at the memory. I pointed a blaster at her when she reached for the comlink I had dropped. I had initially felt guilty about it, until the day she told me that she wouldn’t have changed a single thing about our meeting.

“You asked me once why I had followed you that day. But I have to admit, I didn’t answer truthfully. It wasn’t intended to be false though, I just didn’t understand then. I know now, that if I hadn’t followed you that day, I would never have found what was missing from my life.”

I felt a tear escape as her words worked their way into my heart. A heart that I had believed died with her.

“I never told you this,” She said, chewing her lip again. “But Senator Organa sought me out, not too long ago. He told that he has a friend that could potentially help me get back to where I came from. I didn’t have an answer for him, until you found me in the hallway that day and we… well… you know.” She smiled. I could see the blush creep into her cheeks even through the blue glow of the hologram. “The next time I saw him, I told him it wasn’t necessary because I was already home. You are, and always have been my home Cass.”

I briefly shut my eyes, allowing a few more tears to fall. She could have gone back, but she stayed for me.

“I’m not sure if there is an after-life. But if there is, I’ll be waiting for you.” She chewed her lip and added, “My only hope is that it’s a long wait for me. I pray that you live a long and healthy life, and find the peace you’ve been fighting for. Just promise me, that when all this is over you’ll come back to me.”

I couldn’t breathe but I fought my tears, not wanting to miss anything she said.

“I know it probably seems like I’m far from home now, but I will always be with you.” She looked straight ahead, and it seemed as if she were truly looking into my eyes. “Always.” She smiled one last time, and the hologram switched off.

I sat there in the silence, taking shallow breaths. She must have given the recording to K-2 when she knew she wouldn’t make it back. He was holding it the day I found out she was gone, but he hid it from me at first. Why?

The answer came to me as I gently picked up the device and cradled it my shaking hands. She must have told him to wait, knowing it would be too much for me to process in the beginning. She would have told him to find the right time. And the droid, he listened to her.

My heart swelled as I processed how much thought she had given to me, mere moments before she knew that she would die. I allowed the tears to finally break through as I turned the hologram on and watched it again. When the recording switched off for the second time, I answered her final request. “Always.”

I will always come back to you. No matter what happens.

All I had left now, was hope that she could hear me.

* * *

The day I met Jyn Erso, I stood leaning against a monitor as she sat in the same chair Y/N had, being interrogated by General Draven. I could see Y/N in every move she made as she answered the Generals questions defiantly. I smiled at the memory of her standing up to General Draven as I looked down, but controlled my expression as I looked up and met Jyn’s eyes.

The eyes of the woman, who Y/N had died to find.

* * *

“You met K-2?” I asked, climbing in to the ship.

“Charming.” Jyn said, sarcastically.

I shrugged. “He tends to say whatever comes into his circuits. It's a by-product of the re-program.” I shivered at the sudden memory of when I had first showed K-2 to Y/N.

“Why does she get a blaster, and I don't?” K-2 called from the co-pilots seat.

I glanced at the droid then back to Jyn. “What.”

“I know how to use it.” She complained.

I grimaced, “That's what I'm afraid of. Give it to me.” I said, holding my hand out.

She fixed me with a fierce stare. “We're going to Jedha. That's a war zone.”

“That's not the point. Where did you get it?”

“I found it.”

“I find that answer vague and unconvincing.” K-2 called back again.

“Trust goes both ways.” She said intently.

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Y/N had said almost those exact words to me the first-time K-2 requested a blaster. Unable to speak, I simply nodded and pulled myself into the pilots’ seat.

“You're letting her keep it?” K-2 asked incredulously. “Would you like to know the probability of her using it against you?”

I glared at him, silently begging for him to drop the subject.

“It's high.”

“Let's get going.” I said, frustrated.

“It's very high.”

* * *

“We'll give her your name and hope that gets us a meeting with Saw.” I said, pulling Jyn through the crowded streets of Jedha.

“Hope?” she said, unconvinced.

“Yeah.” I leaned in close to her as Y/N’s words rang clear in my mind. Words that have kept me going in the hardest of times. “Rebellions are built on hope.”

I turned away again to hide the memories that I knew would show in my eyes.

* * *

“Relax, Captain.” The blind guardian called to me. “We've been in worse cages than this one.”

“This is a first for me.” I said, digging in my shoe for something that could open the door.

“There is more than one sort of prison, Captain,” he said with a knowing smile, “I sense that you carry yours wherever you go.”

I looked back at the guardian, thinking of Y/N and wondering how much he could ‘see’. Does he know that her memory consumes me every waking moment, urging me to keep moving forward? My hand unconsciously moved to feel for the hologram I always carried in my pocket. I curled my fingers around it, praying for the strength that she always gave to me.

The guardian smiled sadly, and nodded at me as I held on to my life-line.

He broke the silence abruptly by asking, “Who's the one in the next cell?”

* * *

I stormed onto the ship at Eadu, ripping off my drenched clothes.

For the first time in my life, I have disobeyed a direct order. I couldn’t take the shot. When I looked into Galen Erso’s eys, I saw the eyes of his daughter and, simultaneously, Y/N’s. I don’t understand what’s happening to me.

“You lied to me.” Jyn accused me, interrupting my thoughts.

I glanced at her. “You're in shock.”

“You went up there to kill my father.”

“You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Deny it.” She demanded.

“You're in shock, and looking for someplace to put it.” I thought of how Y/N had attacked me, after the mission where she was forced to kill her friend. “I've seen it before.” I said, sadly.

“I bet you have.” She said with disgust. “They know.” She said, gesturing to the others. “You lied about why we came here and you lied about why you went up alone.”

I turned to her, fighting the anger that was building inside me. I refused to take on the blame for the death of her father. “I had every chance to pull the trigger. But did I?” I looked around at the others. “Did I?” They refused to meet my searching eyes, all of them except for Jyn.

“You might as well have. My father was living proof and you put him at risk.” She said, pouring out her own anger. “Those were Alliance bombs that killed him!”

“I had orders! Orders that I disobeyed! But you wouldn't understand that.” I countered, frustrated. She would never understand the things that had been done, that had to be done to gain freedom from the Empire. The countless lives that have already been lost to the cause. Tivik. Rhayna. Y/N.

“Orders? When you know they're wrong? You might as well be a stormtrooper.” She said quietly.

I watched her turn away from me, and was suddenly unable to control my emotions. “What do you know?” I demanded. “We don't all have the luxury of deciding when and where we want to care about something. Suddenly the Rebellion is real for you? Some of us live it. I've been in this fight since I was six years old. You're not the only one who lost everything.” I fought to keep the sadness out of my eyes. The weight of the hologram in my pocket pulled at me, as if Y/N were begging me to remain calm. “Some of us just decided to do something about it.”

“You can't talk your way around this.” She said shakily.

I leaned close to her. “I don't have to.” I said with conviction.

* * *

After the council meeting concluded I gathered a small group of fighters that I knew would do anything to help give us an edge in the war. Boe Boe stood tall next to me.

“They were never going to believe you.” I called out to Jyn.

“I appreciate the support.” She said sarcastically

“But I do.” I said, smiling as the statement had caught her off-guard. “I believe you.” I repeated and gestured to the group standing with me. “We'd like to volunteer. Some of us...” I paused, catching Boe Boe’s eyes, “...most of us, we've done terrible things on behalf of the Rebellion. We're spies. Saboteurs. Assassins.” I said nodding toward separate members of the group. I turned back to Jyn. “Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion. And every time I walked away from something I wanted to forget…” I thought of Rhayna and Tivik at this and shuddered, but continued, “I told myself it was for a cause that I believed in. A cause that was worth it. Without that, we're lost. Everything we've done would have been for nothing.” I sighed, thinking of my promise to Y/N and glanced at Boe Boe before finishing. “I couldn't face myself if I gave up now. None of us could.” The others nodded in agreement, and Boe Boe grinned.

Jyn accepted our proposal, and the team set off to grab everything they could that may help. Boe Boe stood in front of me wordlessly and grabbed my shoulder. I grabbed his in return, silently thanking him for following me into this suicide mission.

“Y/N would be proud.” He said smiling.

I nodded and returned the smile, knowing he was one of the few that understood who had started the fire that fueled our current hope. He ran off to help the others prepare.

I turned as K-2 approached Jyn.

“Jyn.” He said, and I internally cringed. “I'll be there for you.”

That wasn’t so bad, I thought relaxing.

“Cassian said I had to.” He added.

I chuckled at the look she gave him as he trudged away, and I walked toward her.

“I'm not used to people sticking around when things go bad.” She said, looking at me fondly.

I leaned close to her and whispered, “Welcome home.” Making her smile.

* * *

I sat on the beach with Jyn, watching the horizon disappear. Memories were racing through my mind, most of them featuring Y/N. I smiled sadly, wishing that I hadn’t left the hologram in the data vault. I wanted to watch it, one last time before the end. I was startled out of my thoughts when I felt a hand grasp mine. I looked at Jyn, as she watched the cloud grow closer. She was so young, and so full of life that my heart broke for her, knowing that she would not get the chance to live it.

“He acts like he’s an old man.”

I stiffened at the unmistakable sound of Rhayna’s voice in my mind.

I shook it off, and squeezed Jyn’s hand. “Your father would have been proud of you, Jyn.”

She looked back at me and smiled.

“Gross, he really is perfect. Isn’t he? I mean, he knows exactly what people need to hear and when they need to hear it.”

I smiled at Boe Boe’s disgusted tone, already growing fond of the voices in my mind.

”See, they were perfect for each other. He’s way too comfortable with hearing voices in his head.” Rhayna said, giggling.

Jyn stole a quick glance back at the horizon, and pulled me in to a tight hug, forcing my sight away from the cloud that was already too close.

“I told you she would protect him from it.” K-2 said, smugly.

“Shut up K-2” Rhayna and Boe Boe said together.

I hugged Jyn back and closed my eyes, grateful for the contact and enjoying the company of my friends’ voices.

“It’s almost time now.” Chirrut said softly.

“The guy receives the gift of sight and still states the obvious.” Baze said, chuckling.

“Be quiet, you can bug Cassian when he gets here.” Bodhi chastised the group.

“I’m not opposed to bugging him now.” Tivik said cheerfully.

I opened my eyes, and could see them all standing there, smiling down at me. My heart skipped a beat when I saw her, standing with the rest of them. She looked perfect, as if the war had never touched her. She was just as beautiful as I remembered her, maybe even more.

She stepped close to me, and held out her hand. “Cass.” She said. Her voice wrapped around me like a blanket, making my breath hitch. “It’s time for you to rest now, you’ve done your part.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, and reached out to Y/N. As soon as my hand touched hers I never felt pain again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The conclusion of Far From Home. Squeeee!!! Not going to lie, about 70% of this part was stolen shamelessly from Rogue One. But, I think it wrapped things up quite nicely.  
> Effectively, what I wanted to do with this one is answer some of those questions that simply were never answered in the movie. Like, “Why would you do that?” Actually… that pretty much sums up all of the questions except for maybe the “Why not?” :-)  
> Thank you so much for going on this little journey with me! It’s probably one of the most amusing month long projects I’ve ever completed, and your support made it even better! So again…. THANK YOU!!! <3


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